I Don't Have a Bucket List but My F*ck-it List is a Mile Long: The hilarious guide to making your life happier, richer, and even more badass!

by Ruby Rey

To help others, first help yourself. If you ever feel the urge to dispense unsolicited advice, bite your tongue. Get back to work on yourself.

You can’t expect people to like you if you don’t like them.

I am the type of girl who is euphemistically referred to as plain.

I may be the smartest girl in the class, but I’m also the ugliest.

I had been worrying all day that something was wrong with my personality. It turned out the problem was just my plain, dumb face! I can deal with that. I’ll never win a beauty pageant, but I can apply enough dark eyeliner and lipstick to look decent enough in bright light, just like the aging actresses in Ocean’s Eight.

Fellas, if you’re listening, take notes. If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, put a ring on that knock-kneed girl’s finger. Your eyes might prefer the beauty queen, but a pretty girl who treats you like dirt won’t look so pretty after a few years. Marry an ugly duckling, treat her right, and you’ll have a sexy swan. Best of all, when you’re photographed next to her, you won’t look like Shrek.