Every Word You Cannot Say

by Iain S. Thomas

I know you hurt and that you love and that, sometimes, love is the reason you hurt.

I know you feel things and wish sometimes that someone was there to tell you that you’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling.

I know that, sometimes, you wish someone would just say the words you needed to hear because, sometimes, you don’...

And I want you to know that despite how wrong everything seems right now, you are someone special, in someone else’s story. You are not reading this alone. You are a part of so much.

You will love and be loved. You will hate and be hated. You will be cruel and you will be kind.

But don’t let anyone tell you how your story should go. Only you know how your story goes.

But life is not special because of what happens after it’s over. Life is special because life is special. Your story is special.

“I hated you but I stayed.” “I just wanted you to know that what you did, hurt.” “Why couldn’t you love me like I loved you?” “Why did you leave?”

*We forget that how a person acts in each moment is not who they are, that each person is a series of moments and we cannot judge any moment in isolation, and use that moment to define them.

We forget there is still a child in all of us, begging for love. We forget that this is true of every person we meet.

We only hear the loudest voices when really, we should be listening to the quietest.

There is only one real sin in the end, and that is not being who you are, not listening to your soul, and forgetting who you wanted to be. It’s hard but without anything to overcome, we would not become ourselves. Sometimes, this is all meant to be hard.

So do not ask for an easy life, with nothing to do. An easy life is not a good life.

Forgive yourself for being you— you have done nothing wrong and tomorrow is another chance.

(What you feel is not brokeness, it is the desire to love yourself how you were meant to be loved. It is your heart crying out.)

You need to pull the monster close and whisper in its ear, no matter how scared you are, no matter how ugly the monster seems on the outside, no matter how much you think you can’t, and say: “You are good enough. I’m sorry you’re afraid. You deserved to be loved the way you want to be loved. There is nothing in you that needs to be fixed. The thing you’ve been looking for, has been Here, with you, all along. I am sorry I ran away from you. I am sorry you’re afraid. I love you, honestly and sincerely, without end.”

You are the picture you paint, of you.

The world will always wear you down, so let it wear you down until only the good remains. Hold on to the incredible parts of you that survive.

You love again. Recycle your heart. Someone out there needs it. —Remember this.

You deserve all the goodness you can get.

There is a special kind of sadness that can only be found in the confusion between who you think you are and who you think other people want you to be.§

Why do we hurt ourselves more, when other people hurt us? Why do we beat ourselves up, for feeling beat up?

There are days when everyone needs you to be strong, even if you’re dying inside, and you can only cry when no one’s looking because you’re petrified of letting them down. And I know you know: It can be so incredibly hard, just to be.

Living the life you want, after you live the life you have, doesn’t actually work.

The truth is, I have just learned not to cry as much.

I hope you never stop looking for you.

Because everything I feel is real. And I belong to the goodness, kindness, and love that moves me. I do the hard work of protecting my heart, from the people who would hurt it.