Every Word You Cannot Say

by Iain S. Thomas

So I’m fine.* *I am not fine.

I know sometimes your brain is too loud and your heart bangs on the ceiling with a broom, screaming, “Shut up, you’re going to ruin this for us.” I know sometimes, it’s too late, and the music plays on.

I know you feel things and wish sometimes that someone was there to tell you that you’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling.

I know that, sometimes, you wish someone would just say the words you needed to hear because, sometimes, you don’t even know what those words are.

So be patient and kind. But don’t let anyone tell you how your story should go.

You cannot say it is the absence of them, and the presence of them, and the difference between those two things, that hurts the most.

“I just wanted you to know that what you did, hurt.”

We forget our successes and enshrine our failures. We forget there is still a child in all of us, begging for love. We forget that this is true of every person we meet.

We only hear the loudest voices when really, we should be listening to the quietest.

Now listen: You are made of good things. You are capable of incredible things. You are a song the universe sings itself, in every color it can imagine. Some parts are sad. Some parts are happy. Every part of the song, is a part of you. Listen.

Because the world needs an infinite heart, like yours.

There is only one real sin in the end, and that is not being who you are, not listening to your soul, and forgetting who you wanted to be. It’s hard but without anything to overcome, we would not become ourselves. Sometimes, this is all meant to be hard.

What you feel is not brokeness, it is the desire to love yourself how you were meant to be loved. It is your heart crying out.

Maybe, in the story of your life, someone has written: You cannot say why you loved them. Only that you did. Only that you don’t anymore.

The world will always wear you down, so let it wear you down until only the good remains. Hold on to the incredible parts of you that survive.

There are days when everyone needs you to be strong, even if you’re dying inside, and you can only cry when no one’s looking because you’re petrified of letting them down. And I know you know: It can be so incredibly hard, just to be.

And sometimes anger is your body’s way of telling you that you’re ready to change things.

And you have no obligation to kindness. You can be kind as often as you want. Kindness is not a currency, and if you treat it like one, then that is not kindness.

Living the life you want, after you live the life you have, doesn’t actually work.

Don’t worry, time must pass, even in the moments when it feels like it can’t, or shouldn’t.

Sometimes I’m sorry everywhere I go.

‼️‼️‼️‼️

You hurt me. You were meant to be kinder than you were. You were meant to be better. And I was owed more than this. And you let me down, when I thought you were the only one who wouldn’t.