The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table

by Minda Harts

started to become very problematic for me to never read about the experiences of women of color at work. We were completely left out of most narratives.

1 THE UGLY TRUTH

I couldn’t go anywhere without hearing about Lean In.

But while she was pissed about not having a prime parking spot during her pregnancy, black and brown women were dealing with systemic racism that prevents us from using our voice to speak on subject matters like support for working mothers or the wage gap, because we often aren’t yet at “the table.”

Leanin.org put out a report in 2018 stating that women of color hold less than 11 percent of management roles, less than 8 percent of senior management roles, and less than 4 percent of executive roles in US Fortune 500 companies.

We have checked all of the boxes that we were told would get us ahead, and guess what? Not much has changed! There is no shortage of black and brown talent that could fill those leadership positions. Women of color make up almost 14 percent of the population, and companies can’t seem to find one or two women to recruit, retain, or advance?

As much as we know about Sheryl Sandberg and Marissa Mayer, we should also know about the Stacy Brown-Philpots and Ursula Burnses of the business world.

This triggered me to go read Ursula Burns‘s book. Stacy Brown-Philpot is the CEO of TaskRabbit and a member of the Board of Directors of HP Inc and Nordstrom.

graduated from high school early and spent almost two years at junior college because my high school advisor said I should. He steered many of us students of color to the community college and military routes, yet encouraged the white students to apply to four-year colleges and universities.

I was too young and not well-versed enough to address my boss in a manner that would make this a teachable moment for him. I regret letting him get away with such a lame stereotype.

Over my career I received rave annual reviews, but I didn’t use those opportunities to discuss advancement or give detailed accounts of projects that helped my company’s bottom line. It was much later in my career when I started to look at every move as a strategic opportunity, which led me to understand my worth.

There is a game to get ahead, and if you want to play, I can help you win! Once we get our seats, we then have the ability to change the way the game is set up, and that should ultimately be our goal.

And wouldn’t it be great if white men and women picked up The Memo to gain insight on how to be a better advocate, manager, or leader in the workplace?

2 BUILDING YOUR SQUAD

still believe it’s important for us to think in terms of our business Top 8. Who are those business contacts we need to help us advance in our careers? If you can’t think of eight people off the top of your head, then what in the heck are you doing with your life?

And it’s important to note that relationship building is reciprocal. I don’t just get what I need; I make sure to help my network get what they need too. That is why I like to create more seats at any table I sit at. Who are you inviting to your table?

stuff happens after 6 p.m. Minda, what you do mean, stuff happens after 6 p.m.? Well… I’m glad you asked. Not every business decision occurs between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Again, I’m not saying that birthday parties and weekends in the Hamptons advance careers, but they sure won’t hurt, and it shows your colleagues another side of you. In my years in corporate America, I have found that white people want to feel like they know you. They want to feel like your “friends.”

And remember, if everyone goes out for happy hour, you might consider going too and ordering a Shirley Temple; you just need to be seen for ten to fifteen minutes, then break out! The point is—use this as an opportunity to find out how your colleagues perceive and engage with you and find ways to engage with them!

I would strategically plot when his standing appointment would leave his office and the door would be open, and I would slide by and say hello. This, folks, is face time. I would do this a couple of times a month if we were both in the office. Each time, the conversations got lengthier, and when the time was right, I asked if I could schedule an appointment to talk with him about some ideas I had. He welcomed it and from that day forward, he thought of me for committees, opportunities, and advancement; he created a seat at the table for me.

This is just one of many examples of building strategic relationships with your leadership. Get creative in how you do it (but not too creative, no showing up at their house uninvited!).

No matter how busy I am, I must keep those relationships going. It doesn’t mean I need to call them every week and talk for three hours. It means I can’t afford to go for extended periods of time without connecting with them. I think the follow-up is the most important ingredient in the recipe for sustaining your network.

If your network is on the weaker side, what steps will you take to strengthen it? If it’s strong, what will you do to enhance it?

think back to my childhood and remember Jem and the Holograms. Jerrica adopts this persona called Jem with the help of a holographic computer named Synergy. The holograms the computer projects onto her help her pull off being truly outrageous.

I try to go to a networking event at least a couple of times a month. I find them online and show up. Often I go alone because all my friends are “busy.”

Think through who might make a good mentor and who you might be able to establish a relationship with that might one day become your sponsor.

3 THE POLITICS

I was under the assumption that every hard-working employee would have equal opportunity to advance; little did I know this whole meritocracy thing was a sham. I had to do my job in addition to jumping through so many hoops, kissing a lot of babies, and performing at a level that would make me stand out, but some of my white colleagues could do the bare minimum and reap the benefits.

And once I started to make small compromises on my name, it was easier to change my hairstyle to something that white people find more palatable when dealing with people of color. Another term for this is “respectability politics,” coined by author and professor Evelyn Brooks Higginbotham.

My easy button was to chalk it up to “They didn’t mean any harm.” After a while you start to realize that some of your colleagues do mean you harm.

Side note: I realize that some of you will choose not to get tangled up with office politics. You would be well within your rights to say, “Nah, homie, that isn’t for me!”

4 EVERYONE CAN’T BE A GOLDEN GIRL

The empathy gap between white women and black and brown women is wider than ever. I think about my close white women friends—if I asked them to come march for black women, I don’t think many of them would show up. If I asked them to come show up for me, that’s a different story.

And for the record, accomplices can no longer stand behind the lame excuse of “I don’t see color.” What do you do at a stoplight?

That same year, my best friend, who happened to be white, jokingly called me a tar baby.

There used to be this rumor that we were living in a post-racial America, which meant racism no longer existed. Now let’s be clear, white people were the ones that started this rumor because a black man was elected president. This rumor made it difficult for people of color to claim that inequalities inside and outside the workplace were due to racism.

For women of color there is an imaginary line, and if we cross it and label someone racist or prejudiced at work, we might as well kiss our careers good-bye. It’s the kiss of death to air our racial grievances. We don’t have the luxury of using “race cards” unless they are absolutely necessary, and often, we just keep quiet about it and take the beating—because it’s too arduous of a fight.

There is no magic number of white women friends that can bridge the racial divide.

It was kind of like Cynthia and NeNe’s friend contract in The Real Housewives of Atlanta; I wanted that with Kerry.

The warning signs were subtle at first. You know the signs: being dismissive, cc’ing people on emails that have no business being cc’d, and going to my manager instead of coming to me.

We want so desperately for “it” not to be racism, so we start to make up excuses for white people, and it even leads us to question ourselves. The thing is… we all know when we are being mistreated, but we still try and cover up the bad behavior. We still try and push through the microaggressions;

shouldn’t have waited a year to fight the system. It only hurt me in the long run. It is one of my biggest career regrets. Please don’t make the same mistake that I did. Like the subway signs in New York City, when you see something, say something!

This was mistake number two: you don’t have to make everything work. You can leave if you are being mistreated because it doesn’t get any better.

When you’re working in toxic environments, it’s hard not to lean out.

Remember when I mentioned white people being accomplices? I am not sure what hurt more, being mistreated or being mistreated while everyone stood by and watched it unfold. Sadly, I felt validated when they would come to me to privately commend me because it meant I wasn’t making this sh––up in my head, yet it didn’t fix the damage that was done. I had other white women on my team that could have stood up for me, and they too failed me, just as Kerry did.

want to impress upon women of color: please make sure you interview your future employer. Interviewing happens on both sides.

What is the work culture like? What steps are in place to increase diversity? Additionally, ask questions about leadership style and hierarchy. As you start to uncover some of the foundational questions, drill down into the team dynamics. A few to consider during your next interview: Can you tell me who I will be working closely with? What are the team’s strengths and challenges? Has the company changed since you’ve joined?

Attention all women: Workplace bullying goes on because no one steps in to stop it or offers support to the victim.

5 NO MONEY, MO’ PROBLEMS

In this chapter I hope you find the strength and your voice to ask for more. Or at the very least, do some investigative work to make sure you’re not being underpaid.

Throughout this chapter, you will learn strategies to negotiate money and fringe benefits.