The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table

by Minda Harts

I would be lying if I said, “All white women suck.” On the other hand, I’ve experienced the worst moments of my career due to white women in the workplace. As a teenager, I learned the hard lesson that no person of color is exempt from racism, and as an adult, I relearned the same lesson. There is no magic number of white women friends that can bridge the racial divide.

The warning signs were subtle at first. You know the signs: being dismissive, cc’ing people on emails that have no business being cc’d, and going to my manager instead of coming to me.

I believe this is a common line of internal questioning women of color go through in the workplace when we experience racism. We want so desperately for “it” not to be racism, so we start to make up excuses for white people, and it even leads us to question ourselves. The thing is… we all know when we are being mistreated, but we still try and cover up the bad behavior. We still try and push through the microaggressions; we do this because we are often working as “the only,” and when you are in isolation, you don’t have anyone to validate your feelings. We have been telling ourselves white people mean well since we were in grade school, when deep down we knew the truth. Eventually, that narrative starts to shape your identity. It’s a hard-knock life for us!

Each morning before I got out of my car, I would have to give myself a pep talk. Imagine showing up to work with internal armor to protect yourself from microaggressions and racism on any given day.

For an entire year, I had panic attacks. In meetings where she was physically present or was on the phone, I would experience an anxiety attack so bad that I could sometimes barely speak. It’s hard for me to admit to you that my mental and physical health started to deteriorate, right before my eyes. I no longer felt like myself, and the scary part was I wasn’t sure what to do about it; I couldn’t just quit. Or at least, I felt like I couldn’t. I felt like I had to tough it out, because that’s what we do as women of color (meh). I have always been a high achiever and fondly thought of, but this environment wasn’t set up for me to win.

The one thing I wish I would have done sooner is address the situation with Kerry. When you find yourself in a similar situation, you have to advocate for yourself and not let people like her get away with murder. Maybe it would have worked, maybe not. That I will never know. But, to be honest with myself, I have to admit I gave Kerry way too much power early on. Because of her tenure, I kowtowed to her, and she used that to her advantage. I showed up as the grateful black woman, just happy to be in the building—that was my first mistake. I let her affect my career and my mental health. I should have demanded more from my supervisor to handle the situation and advocate for me; I should have taken my grievance to HR regardless of who was at the helm. I should have fought like hell for myself! Even if I couldn’t change the culture, I would have had my sanity, instead of picking up the pieces as I walked out their doors forever. Plus, I should have fought harder so the next woman of color wouldn’t have to fight as hard. If I had done that, maybe there would be some documentation on the books, a paper trail.

Additionally, I could have left sooner. I didn’t have to stay and be the strong black woman and hope for the best. I let my pride get in the way because I left my former employer for a pasture I thought was greener. I felt I had to make this work. This was mistake number two: you don’t have to make everything work. You can leave if you are being mistreated because it doesn’t get any better.

When you’re working in toxic environments, it’s hard not to lean out. Deciding to stay or go is something that many of us battle each day.

If rocking the boat means standing up for yourself, rock the hell out of the boat! “Don’t rock the boat” is one of the worst pieces of advice, but it keeps getting passed down. If you don’t prioritize your self-worth in the workplace, then you can’t expect anyone else to.

I want to impress upon women of color: please make sure you interview your future employer. Interviewing happens on both sides. And if you are one of the only people of color in the office, you have to ask those tough questions as well. Here are a couple of starter questions to read the room: What is the work culture like? What steps are in place to increase diversity? Additionally, ask questions about leadership style and hierarchy.

A few to consider during your next interview: Can you tell me who I will be working closely with? What are the team’s strengths and challenges? Has the company changed since you’ve joined?

if you find that the answers don’t sit well with you, run for the hills.

There is no amount of money and no title that will replace your peace and overall career health, so do your due diligence.

White women have done a good job of not being seen as the villain. They helped create this narrative that white men are the ones we should fear at work.

When I conduct workshops across the country, I ask women of color who are the sponsors, mentors, or champions of their successes. The answer is white men almost 99 percent of the time.

It can be uncomfortable to talk about money, but it’s even more uncomfortable when you have to dodge the bill collectors because you don’t have enough income to pay your bills. And, it’s unfair to you to work over forty hours a week and not bring home enough money to cover your expenses.

I realized a couple of things: (1) I am my best advocate, and (2) negotiation happens on both sides.

Often, the functions in the two jobs are the same, but they have different names because the industries are different. Now you can revise your résumé to reflect the decade of sales experience.

In 2017, the Institute for Women’s Policy Research and National Domestic Workers Alliances reported that 80 percent of black mothers are their household’s breadwinner, while only 50 percent of white women are their household’s breadwinner.

salaries aren’t the only thing up for negotiation. We can negotiate extra vacation days, professional development stipends, remote working days, and stock options. I even had one woman tell me she negotiated flights back and forth to her preferred home on the weekends. Sometimes we are so darn focused on money that we don’t get creative enough.

If my current company could give me what I wanted, then I wanted to stay. If they couldn’t, then I had to pack up and leave. Before I started, I had to be clear on what I was willing to accept and be comfortable walking away. I could not afford to make empty promises or threats. Just because you have another offer won’t always mean that your company will take the necessary steps to make a better offer. You might present another offer and they show you the door. It was apparent that I had to be willing to walk away once I entered into such a high-stakes negotiation—if things didn’t go as planned. I want you to understand what is at stake for you, so be cautious if you decide to take the route I did.

Since my current company could not come correct, I decided to walk away and start my new job. I felt like the company that claimed I was a great asset wasn’t willing to go the extra mile for me, so I decided to go the extra mile for myself. In negotiations like this, you find out how loyal a company really is to you. I thought about all the traveling I did throughout the month for years, being accommodating at the drop of a dime, putting my career first at the expense of personal relationships. I felt I had given all I had to this company, and it stung that they couldn’t do the same for me. They could have given me exactly what I asked for, but I think they thought I would fold because they knew how loyal I was. They knew how much I enjoyed my career. I once had a manager call me a “utility player” because I would play whatever role needed to be played.

I knew that if they were asking me to come back, I had leverage. I wanted a more senior title than I already had, and I asked for more money and negotiated being able to work remotely. Some of you might be thinking, Hold up, Minda, you are getting greedy. No, sis, I am getting everything that already belonged to me—had they done right by me the first time. And even though I hated my new job, I still knew my worth. All companies are looking out for their bottom line, so you have to always make sure you’re looking out for your bottom line too. I didn’t know what they would accept this time around, but once again, I had to throw it all on the table. The good news is that they accepted, and that, folks, is what I call a miracle. Side note: I would go on to receive three salary increases during my tenure. Never shy away from asking for what you want. You may not always get it, but at least you did your part. If I can do it, trust me, you can too.

A nice transitional phrase might be, “I would like to discuss my compensation to bring it in alignment with the market value in [your company’s city].” This is also a good time to mention that you’ve been researching the current market value of similar positions in your field. Research, research, research! You don’t want to go into this conversation without doing the research. This will help your case for support and open the dialogue. Not to mention, it will signal to your boss that you did not come to play. The main ingredients in any negotiation are research, strategy, and confidence.

I believe that when companies undervalue us in this way, it’s a sharp reminder this company won’t be loyal to us, and they will pull another stunt like this later. Why would you want to work for someone who doesn’t see your worth? The way your company or potential company treats you during a negotiation is a telltale sign of how the relationship will play out.

By saying yes to that underpaying job, what are we saying no to?

You’re probably starting to ask yourself two questions: (1) What do I want? and (2) How will I ever articulate my wants and desires to my manager or team? One way to figure out how you want your employer to invest in you and what you want your legacy at work to look like is to create a purpose statement.

My career purpose is and when I look back on my career, I hope I can say . The turning point in my career was and I realized that I had the power to re-create my narrative. My values are .

Your Needs. What do you need from your career? 2.Your Happiness. What type of work do you most enjoy? 3.Your Why. Why do you want this change, and how will it enhance your career? 4.Your Timeline. How long will it take you to execute your plans?

My short-term career goals are . My long-term career goals are . And my hope is to leave an impact in the following ways .

What’s in your tool kit?

think about what areas in your career need enhancing or which “tools” are missing from your career tool kit.

Start with choosing two skills from the second column that you want to invest in to make your career tool kit stronger.

There will never be a time in your career when you don’t have to speak in public. I’m not saying you have to go on a world tour and conduct motivational speeches, but having a seat at the table requires you to use your voice. I used to be deathly afraid of speaking up in meetings. I felt that what I had to say didn’t matter or someone might think it was stupid. What I quickly learned was that those who spoke up seemed to (1) get heard and (2) gain access to the table at some point in time.