The Next Right Thing: A Simple, Soulful Practice for Making Life Decisions

by Emily P. Freeman

It doesn’t matter what the specific decision is. Unmade decisions hold power. They pull, they push, they interrupt where they aren’t wanted and poke us awake at night. They can turn us into strange versions of ourselves.

So, what is that advice? Do the next right thing. The concept is perhaps most famously found in The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous: “We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.”

Maybe you are addicted to clarity and certitude, wanting to be absolutely sure of all the details before moving forward.

Maybe you value approval above all, wanting to seek everyone else’s perspective before understanding your own, accounting for a lack of confidence and a chronic case of hesitation.

Maybe you have an aversion to making decisions so you either delegate them, avoid them, or make them too quickly just to get them settled.

Perhaps you’re addicted to activity, to hustle, to the fast pace of a well-connected life, and so when a decision needs to be made that could change the course of your future, you don’t have the space to consider what might be best, much less what you might actually want to do.

noticing it in the Gospels. So often, right after Jesus performed a miracle, he gave a simple next thing to do. To the leper, he said to tell no one, “But go and show yourself to the priest” (Luke 5:14).

Let’s take our cues from Jesus and the recovering alcoholics by considering what it means for us to do the next right thing now. Not the next big thing. Not the next impressive thing. Just the next right thing in front of us. So what is our next right thing? It’s a question that gets my attention, and it’s what I want to explore with you.

Decisions shape our lives. But what we often overlook is not only how our choices shape outcomes but how they shape us too. They reveal our character and help to create our character.

Minimalism is not that you should own nothing. But that nothing should own you. Joshua Becker, The More of Less

Often the clues to our next decision remain within us, unheard and undiscovered. When we take the time to follow those clues, we might find out we are holding on to some things we no longer need and gripping some things we might need to let go.

We come forward with a Huge Life Decision and we long for answers and direction. But we’ve got absolutely nothing, so we talk ourselves in circles and everything feels muddy and heavy and difficult. We pray and ask for advice and still, nothing rises to the surface as the right direction to go. What I’m finding to be most helpful more than any list, question, or sage advice is simply to get quiet in a room with Jesus on the regular, not for the sake of an answer but for the sake of love.

How am I regularly getting rid of the soul clutter I no longer need? The difficult conversation, the suspicious glance someone might give us, the thing we said we wish we could take back—these things are constantly happening every day, all day. Where is the output? How are we letting them go?

One of my favorite things Joshua Becker says about minimalism is that it’s not enough to just declutter; we have to de-own.

but here’s what I will say: if you are carrying an unmade decision, you have to find a way to push back the distraction of your phone and allow some nothing space to fill the in-between moments.

We’re letting everyone else’s agenda live for free in the sacred space of our creative mind, and it’s time for an eviction. This space is necessary for ideas to form, for questions to rise up, for hope to weave her way into our vision for the future, and for the dots of decision to begin to connect in the quiet places of our mind and heart.

A PRAYER We confess we live distracted lives, and our insides often shake with constant activity. We have grown accustomed to ignoring our low-grade anxiety, thinking that it’s just a normal part of an active life. This might be typical, and it might be common. But let it not be normal. Instead of trying to figure out how to calm the chaos and hustle around us, we rejoice with confidence that we don’t have to figure our way back to the light and easy way of Jesus, because you have already made your way to us. We have your Spirit living within us, which means there’s hope for us after all. You invite us into each moment to simply do the next right thing in love.

Knowing people begins with knowing their name. In her book Walking on Water, Madeleine L’Engle says “our names are part of our wholeness. To be given a name is an act of intimacy as powerful as any act of love.”

As people who put their trust in Jesus, sometimes we don’t know what to say when we see someone going through an impossible time. Instead of giving them space to name their own narratives, we rush them into a narrative that makes us feel more comfortable. It can be easy to refuse to let people grieve the way they need to grieve by naming their circumstance for them, saying phrases like, “God is in control” or “Consider it all joy!” or “God works all things together for good.” He is, it is, and he does. But we are all on our own journey of living in to those truths. We would do well to create space for others to walk a little ways into that truth and begin to name their own narratives in time. We would do well to give ourselves that same space too.

I also want to remember, though, that within each narrative there are almost always shadows of gray along the way. And it’s important to name those too. That’s what makes it a narrative and not just a moment. That’s what makes it a story and not just a plot point. That’s what makes it a life.

If you take time to name something that has remained unnamed within you—a fear, a loneliness, a heartbreak, a dream, or a regret—resist the urge to grab and go. Instead, give that name some space to rise up and take shape. Then get curious about it. Hold it in the presence of Jesus. Ask him for direction and wisdom. Let yourself be a gatherer of information when it comes to what’s happening beneath the surface. Name it, but don’t force a definition.

A PRACTICE: NAME THE NARRATIVE Here are questions that could help the unnamed realities rise up to the surface today: Is there a hurt you haven’t quite let go? A regret that’s been following you for so long you think it’s normal? An excitement you haven’t given yourself permission to explore? A dream that might be hanging out in the wings, kicking at rocks or standing on tiptoe? Did one of your children just start kindergarten or go off to college? Did you or your spouse start a new job? Is there someone in your family with a recent diagnosis? Is a friend celebrating a success you wish was yours?

there is almost always a gap between what we say we believe and what we actually believe. None of us are exempt. If we believe God is mad at us, we will be afraid of making a wrong move for fear he will snap. If we believe God is distant, we will feel alone and untethered in our decision-making. If we believe God is a scolding parent, we may delegate decisions to someone else so we can avoid the consequences. If we believe God is wimpy, we will think that maybe we can manipulate him into doing what we want. If we believe God is indifferent, we may feel he probably doesn’t care what happens one way or another. If we believe God is like a carnival barker presenting three cups, we will feel cheated or duped when we assume he is forcing us to guess which one is hiding the right answer. Do we believe God is like a puppeteer, a kind old grandfather, an abusive parent, an insecure friend, a greedy king, a manipulative mother, or a golden retriever?

I can’t say how God will speak to you. But I can say with a fair amount of confidence how he won’t. He will not shame you into better behavior. He will not trick you. He will not tease you. He will not laugh at you. He will not terrorize you. He does not pull rugs out from under you. He does not drop the other shoe. He does not pull fast ones. He will not roll his eyes, throw up his hands, or turn his back on you.

Instead of those black-and-white answers we tend to love so much, what if we began to look for arrows instead?

Unnamed narratives will reveal themselves one way or another. If we don’t have the capacity to name them with our words, they will speak through our bodies.

Remember Jesus is not only your King and your Friend, your Savior and your Shepherd. He is also the smartest man who ever lived. You may not know how to navigate this new beginning, but he does. With him by your side, you have everything you need.

We couldn’t change or control the weather. All we could do was try to stay out of its way. That’s an appropriate way to handle yourself in a storm: take cover and wait for it to pass over. But it’s possible to live with the dread of a storm even when the sky is clear without a threat of rain. It’s possible to take cover even when there’s nothing to take cover from, except for a heavy idea or a recurring thought in the night.

Fear works both ways, keeping you from doing things you might want to do and convincing you that you have to do things you don’t want to do.

Unbound by time or place or gravity, you go ahead of us into an unknown future. You walk toward us with love in your eyes. You stand beside us when we find ourselves in unsure places. You sit next to us in silence and in joy. You watch behind us to protect our minds from regret.

The action of God in the person of Jesus is recorded for us in Scripture. We don’t have to wonder what God would do if he were a person. He is a person, and here is what he did.

When I honestly admit what I most long for in the presence of Jesus, I can more quickly accept when it doesn’t work out. I can talk to him about it, admit my heartbreak, and receive what he has to give in place of it. This is what it means to walk with him in my everyday disappointment. There is no way to avoid it.

Scan the areas of your life, choose one to reflect on, and then ask yourself, Was this life-giving or life-draining? Overall, when you think of it, does your body lift when you imagine that time or does it sink? Another way to ask the question, especially if you’re looking at some of your spiritual disciplines, is this one: Did this activity draw me closer to God or push me further from him?

What does it mean when what was before you for so long is now behind you? What does it say about you, your commitments, your choices, and your identity when that thing you worked so hard for no longer seems like a good fit?

Just because things change doesn’t mean you chose wrong in the first place. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to do it forever.

Psalm 46:10 is an invitation to be still and know he is God. There’s a reason why God invites us to be still first: the stillness makes way for the knowing. It creates space in the same way becoming a soul minimalist makes way for the naming of unnamed things.

You can only be one place at a time. Stay in today.

in today is an important practice for anyone, especially for those of us who may be more prone to anxiety and struggle with predicting worst-case scenarios. But there is another related practice that is equally important, and that is learning to be where you are. While staying in today keeps us from rushing into the future, being where we are allows us to admit what’s really going on in the present. Several years ago, my failure to do this well eventually led to an important realization.

I became kinder toward myself, realizing the only person who expected me to “do it all” was me.

Here we go. Have you recently started a new position, been given more responsibility at work, or been passed over for someone else? Have you had an injury or a sickness that has changed your energy level or ability in some way? Are you having work done in your house for renovation or upkeep, and has this brought extra people into your home at odd times? Does someone close to you need you more now than they have in the past? Is a child or a loved one struggling with anxiety? Sickness? Heartbreak? Pain? Are you waiting for results that are out of your control? How long have you been waiting for those results? In general, have you added something new to your schedule without taking anything away? Has something that was life-giving for you been removed from your schedule in order to make room for something necessary but maybe not as life-giving?

A PRAYER Father, help us to know where we are and then help us to be where we are. Meet us in our weakness, our smallness, our exhaustion, our insecurity, and our questions. As we move forward in the midst of where we are, help us to believe you even though we can’t see you. May we not demand a spectacle, a miracle, or a sign. May we simply, quietly, be still and know. Even if we may be busy on the outside, don’t let hurry overwhelm us on the inside. Remind us to move at a walking pace. Let your peace rule within us. Quiet us in the midst of the chaos. Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer.

Many times we’re looking for guidance somewhere out there, a sign, a word, an encouragement, a conversation. God speaks to us through the Bible, in prayer, and often through other people, but another regular way I know he speaks to me is the one way I have most often dismissed: through the voice that comes from within. The good news is I’m finally learning to trust that voice.

God often speaks in such a regular and familiar way that it’s almost too normal to point out. We look for fireworks or signals or confirmation from somewhere other than us, thinking his direction can’t possibly come from us. But he keeps on reminding us that he has made our heart his home, and that’s often the place from which he’ll make his voice heard.

I have been young and now I am old, Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken Or his descendants begging bread. All day long he is gracious and lends, And his descendants are a blessing. This is the Word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. ❍

I exaggerate other people’s skills, other people’s successes, other people’s schedules. When I’m in that place it’s easy for me to believe the myth that everyone else is winning all the time. I know it’s not true because I’m a grown-up, but my body still responds with anxiety even when I will it not to. I feel behind in a race I might not even want to run in, much less win.

Bring to us the mentors and teachers we need for the journey. May we have the wisdom to trust our own inner voice as we are united with you in love.

take heart—the Lord is always with you and within you, beside you and before you. He is not impatient, he is not angry, he is not overwhelmed by you. He is not frustrated, fed up, or afraid. He is filled with compassion toward you and his banner over you is love.

One of the qualities I value most in a person is the ability to listen well. If I see you are a good listener, my respect for you immediately grows. If you don’t look me in the eye or seem distracted, I may still like you but I probably won’t trust you, and I definitely won’t confide in you. I think that’s probably true for most people. That’s why one of the qualities I long to possess more of is presence.

Every new opportunity seems to have potential, at least at first. This may be especially true for certain personality types. We search the hopeful horizon for what this opportunity might bring us, define for us, or prove about us. Those invisible questions that hover beneath the surface raise their hands up high and seem to finally get some answers: Do I have what it takes? Am I wanted? Do I belong? For a moment, the invitation seems to shout a resounding yes! You have been asked, chosen, and invited. You are seen and valued. Come! Help! Teach! Lead! Volunteer! If

But remember, just because the person who issues the invitation says it’s a great opportunity, and just because it might lead to something you might want to have happen, doesn’t make it an automatic yes for you. When opportunities come your way, you have the opportunity (ha!) to discern between your values and your vanity.