I Never Called It Rape: The Ms. Report on Recognizing, Fighting, and Surviving Date and Acquaintance Rape

by Robin Warshaw

The man is taught to look upon his actions on a date as a carefully constructed strategy for gaining the most territory. Every action is evaluated in terms of the final goal — intercourse. He continually pushes to see “how far he can get.” Every time she (his date) submits to his will, he has “advanced” and every time she does not he has suffered a “retreat.” Since he already sees her as the opponent, and the date as a game or a battle, he anticipates resistance. He knows that “good girls don’t,” and so she will probably say “no.” But he has learned to separate himself from her and her interests. He is more concerned with winning the game. Instead of trying to communicate with her, he attempts to pressure her into saying “yes.” Every time she submits to his will, he sees it as a small victory (getting the date, buying her a drink, getting a kiss, or fondling her breasts). He plays upon her indecisiveness, using it as an opportunity to tell her “what she really wants,” which is, in fact, what he wants. If her behavior is inconsistent, he tells her that she is “fickle” or “a tease.” If he is disinterested in her desires and he believes that she is inconsistent, he is likely to ignore her even when she does express her desires directly. When she finally says, “no,” he simply may not listen, or he may convince himself that she is just “playing hard to get” and that she really means “yes.” With such a miserable failure in communication, a man can rape a woman even when she is r...