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He even sounded different. There was no trace at all of his subtle Virginia accent. He’d endlessly practiced erasing it in high school but never pulled it off. Now it was completely hidden. A stranger’s voice.
He even sounded different. There was no trace at all of his subtle Virginia accent. He’d endlessly practiced erasing it in high school but never pulled it off. Now it was completely hidden. A stranger’s voice.
Adam glanced at his watch, and Ronan saw then that it was his watch, the elegant timepiece Ronan had dreamt him for Christmas, the watch that told the correct time for wherever Ronan was in the world. The ground steadied a little beneath him.
Adam glanced at his watch, and Ronan saw then that it was his watch, the elegant timepiece Ronan had dreamt him for Christmas, the watch that told the correct time for wherever Ronan was in the world. The ground steadied a little beneath him.
This was as Ronan remembered it. Adam’s ribs fit against his ribs just as they had before. His arms wrapped around Adam’s narrow frame the same way they had before. His hand still pressed against the back of Ronan’s skull the way it always did when they hugged. His voice was missing his accent, but now it sounded properly like him as he murmured into Ronan’s skin: “You smell like home.” Home. Ronan felt even steadier. It was going to be all right. He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him, and this was going to work. They stepped back from each other. Adam said, “Do you want to meet my
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This was as Ronan remembered it. Adam’s ribs fit against his ribs just as they had before. His arms wrapped around Adam’s narrow frame the same way they had before. His hand still pressed against the back of Ronan’s skull the way it always did when they hugged. His voice was missing his accent, but now it sounded properly like him as he murmured into Ronan’s skin: “You smell like home.” Home. Ronan felt even steadier. It was going to be all right. He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him, and this was going to work. They stepped back from each other. Adam said, “Do you want to meet my
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YOU SMELL LIKE HOME
The first thing breezy Eliot had said when they met Ronan was “Oh, you’re scarier than I expected!”
The first thing breezy Eliot had said when they met Ronan was “Oh, you’re scarier than I expected!”
Beneath the table, Adam pressed the rest of his leg up against Ronan’s, his expression unchanging as he did.
Beneath the table, Adam pressed the rest of his leg up against Ronan’s, his expression unchanging as he did.
“That’s heavy,” Ronan said. “Poverty sucks,” Fletcher mused, smoothing his sweater. “Anecdotally,” Gillian said wryly.
“That’s heavy,” Ronan said. “Poverty sucks,” Fletcher mused, smoothing his sweater. “Anecdotally,” Gillian said wryly.
To the outside eye, Ronan Lynch was a loser.
To the outside eye, Ronan Lynch was a loser.
The words were only an excuse to breathe in Ronan’s ear; it made a marvel of his nerve endings.
The words were only an excuse to breathe in Ronan’s ear; it made a marvel of his nerve endings.
They were also more openly and gleefully queer than any Aglionby student Ronan had ever met. Ronan, who’d spent most of his high school years assuming other people were rich assholes and being the only gay person he knew, found these developments somewhat unsettling.
They were also more openly and gleefully queer than any Aglionby student Ronan had ever met. Ronan, who’d spent most of his high school years assuming other people were rich assholes and being the only gay person he knew, found these developments somewhat unsettling.
It was not that he thought Adam would replace him. It was just that now he saw precisely what Adam could replace him with.
It was not that he thought Adam would replace him. It was just that now he saw precisely what Adam could replace him with.
“Adam Parrish and the Crying Club, like a band,” Fletcher said. “He has a nose for us. Like a superhero. Somewhere on the Harvard campus someone is hidden in a stairwell crying right now, and Adam is on his way to find them and comfort them and give them someone to play cards with on a Friday night.”
“Adam Parrish and the Crying Club, like a band,” Fletcher said. “He has a nose for us. Like a superhero. Somewhere on the Harvard campus someone is hidden in a stairwell crying right now, and Adam is on his way to find them and comfort them and give them someone to play cards with on a Friday night.”
Adam was changing. Ronan couldn’t. He was moving here, he thought. It would work.
Adam was changing. Ronan couldn’t. He was moving here, he thought. It would work.
“That’s me,” Ronan said. “He saves people; I take their lunch money.”
“That’s me,” Ronan said. “He saves people; I take their lunch money.”
I love him
Nobody has to feel sorry for me or judge me. I can just be me.”
Nobody has to feel sorry for me or judge me. I can just be me.”
Oh baby
For Adam, it was what it always was: a fight between Adam and himself, between Adam and the world.
For Adam, it was what it always was: a fight between Adam and himself, between Adam and the world.
a fight between truth and compromise, between the black and white he saw and the reality everyone else experienced.
a fight between truth and compromise, between the black and white he saw and the reality everyone else experienced.
“I want it too much,” Adam said. That sentence, Ronan thought, was enough to undo all bad feeling he might have had meeting Adam’s Harvard friends, all bad feeling about looking like a loser, all bad feeling about feeling stuck, all bad feeling, ever. Adam Parrish wanted him, and he wanted Adam Parrish. “It’ll work,” Ronan told him. “It’ll work.”
“I want it too much,” Adam said. That sentence, Ronan thought, was enough to undo all bad feeling he might have had meeting Adam’s Harvard friends, all bad feeling about looking like a loser, all bad feeling about feeling stuck, all bad feeling, ever. Adam Parrish wanted him, and he wanted Adam Parrish. “It’ll work,” Ronan told him. “It’ll work.”
Inside her, however, a smaller Carmen Farooq-Lane screamed and beat against the doors. Nathan was dead. Nathan was dead.
Inside her, however, a smaller Carmen Farooq-Lane screamed and beat against the doors. Nathan was dead. Nathan was dead.
Ronan had an idea that it had existed somewhere else for a very long time, and only now whispered its way into the world this time in the shape of a forest. It knew him, and he knew it, insofar that they could be known, both of them full of mysteries, even to themselves.
Cabeswater?
Adam was always talking about how he would trade his car for a motorcycle if he could. He’d like this bike, Ronan thought. It reminded him a little bit of Adam, in fact. Elegant and rough and ready at once.
Ronan needed another dreamer like he needed a shit-ton of murder crabs in his bed.
It felt like sadness was like radiation, like the amount of time between exposures was irrelevant, like you got a badge that eventually got filled up from a lifetime of it, and then it just killed you.
“Tell me to go to school closer to you and I will,” Adam said in a rush, the words piled together. “Just say it.”
Oh Adam
They only served to depress Ronan more. Look how each week was the same, the routine announced. Look how you can predict the next forty-eight hours, seventy-two hours, ninety-six hours, look how you can predict the rest of your life. The entire word routine depressed Ronan. The sameness. Fuck everything.
The house contained most of his childhood memories, which might have made it a miserable place for others. But for Ronan, the Barns had always felt like one of his few surviving family members.
On weekdays, he gave in to the impulse of adding to his strange herds. On weekends, he spent Mass regretfully apologizing to God for his hubris.
Hes so real for this
So was Atom, which was nearly recognizable as Adam if you were listening hard.
Chainsaw <3
He took his role as substitute parent seriously.
Declan thought he still felt worse about that conversation than Matthew did.
Declan couldn’t probe the motivations of Matthew’s mysterious pull toward the river too hard,
Because Declan could only handle one brother in crisis.
Declan hated that he loved someone who wasn’t real.
