NSB Box Set: The Complete Hold Me Series

by Alyson Santos

“It’s a curtain,” I say quietly. He doesn’t respond, but I know he’s listening. I turn and glance at him briefly so he knows it, and has to accept the fact that I’m not leaving until I’ve finished my speech. “Depression, that is,” I continue. “People who’ve never experienced it think it’s a mask, but it’s not. It’s a curtain. And when it falls, it shuts you off from your life, plunging you into complete darkness. There you stand, arms flailing around you, reaching for anything to find your way back. But after exhausting yourself, grasping at only more darkness, you give up and drop to the floor in resignation. “And so you sit. You and the darkness. You and the accusations. You and the self-hatred, the lies that become truth, the failure and pain and hopelessness and battered thoughts that twist through you, impaling you to the floor. There you bleed, alone in your black hole, convinced the audience on the other side of the curtain has given up and gone home. The show is over. “Before you know it, you realize the curtain has turned into a cement wall, and you couldn’t escape the darkness even if you wanted to, but by now you don’t care anymore. What’s the point? There’s nothing waiting for you on the other side, and even if there was, you’re such a useless waste of space that you wouldn’t dare to contaminate the world outside with your cancer anyway.” I stop, my eyes burning, my voice heavy in my throat. “You feel like crying all the time but you rarely do. Depression isn’t...

it takes a lot more than someone being a jerk to you to make you kill yourself. You’re giving yourself too much credit. You’re not important enough to do that. She was sick. You may have been the trigger, but only on a gun that was already loaded.”

Session in progress The hardest journey we take Raise a glass to the past, it’s the future we break If all goes well or damns you to hell, it’s your story to own So tell if you dare, to care about your mess, in progress.