See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Violence

by Jess Hill

domestic abuse is a terrifying language that develops slowly and is spoken only by the people involved.

perpetrators commonly believe with all their heart that they are the victim, and will plead their case to police even as their partner stands bloody and bruised behind them. Their victimhood is what makes them feel their abuse is justified.

Ultimately, domestic abuse is a pattern of power and control, and power imbalances aren’t limited to heterosexual relationships.

the perpetrator redirects his partner’s attention away from his abuse to her faults: if she wasn’t so this, he wouldn’t be so that.

I want people to stop asking ‘Why does she stay?’ and start asking ‘Why does he do that?’

As the feminist author Laurie Penny tweeted, ‘Men’s healing should not have to come at the price of women’s pain,

women’s violence may cause distress to men in abusive relationships, but men are almost never in danger of being killed. That is the key difference,

Dadirri is inner, deep listening and quiet, still awareness … We have learned to speak the white man’s language. We have listened to what he had to say. This learning and listening should go both ways. We would like people in Australia to take time to listen to us. We are hoping people will come closer. We keep on longing for the things that we have always hoped for – respect and understanding. MIRIAM-ROSE UNGUNMERR-BAUMANN, ABORIGINAL ELDER, ARTIST AND EDUCATOR, NAUIYU (DALY RIVER)