If Only I Could Tell You

by Hannah Beckerman

“There’ll always be someone who disapproves of the choices you make. But as long as you understand the reasons for them, as long as you’re happy with them and no one’s unduly hurt by them, you need to be strong enough—brave enough—to make your own decisions.” Audrey flinched at the irony of her counsel: she had lost track of the number of times she had failed to follow her own advice.

Your children have only one childhood. The years in which they need you—in which they really need you—flash by like a star shooting through the sky. A blink of an eye and they go from babies to toddlers. Another blink and they’re starting school. A third blink and they’re teenagers, stretching their wings and preparing for life without you. And then, one day, when you’re certain it can’t have been more than a few months since you first held them in your arms—bloodied and mucus-coated, their hungry mouths reaching for your breast—they’re gone.