Thirst: 2600 Miles to Home

by Heather Anish Anderson

Everything about living in the wilderness seems so terrifying from the comfort of a home. Yet, on the trail, nothing is ever as scary as it once seemed.

I was a scaredy-cat as a little girl. I was afraid of the dark, of ghosts, wild animals, spiders, getting lost, the water, sharks, aliens, rejection, failure . . . Somewhere along the way I learned to stop letting fear stop me. And that has made all the difference. It has taken me on 3.5 thru-hikes. It has taken me into and out of relationships. Career changes. Race distances in the triple digits. I have been afraid of them all, and yet, each has made me stronger as I overcame those fears.

Fear

The truth is, I don’t know if I can or not. However, I think I can, and that is more than half the battle.

If I ever manage to overcome my athletic weaknesses, I want to set a record. Not just any record, but an athletic record. One that everyone will know me for. One that my dad will be proud of. I don’t know what it will be, but I will do it. I have a lot of weaknesses, but I have two critical strengths. I am stubborn and I am smart. I will find a way to be good at something athletic. I will lose weight. I’ll get faster and stronger. Maybe I’ll even go to the Olympics. Whatever it takes to achieve my goal.

“You see, I’ve decided that I don’t want to go into the ministry after all. I want to be a vagabond.”

I stopped feeling God inside the church. Or with other people. Or really anywhere except when I was out hiking or moving through a landscape. It was like seeing God with my very own eyes instead of closing them and imagining him. I felt like Eve must have when she first opened her eyes and saw the beauty of the garden.”

After graduation I’ve decided to hike the Appalachian Trail. I can’t imagine anything better than being immersed in nature for months on end. I don’t know how or where I’ll end up from there, but it doesn’t matter.

Life plans

I found a place where I actually belong and everything feels right. It’s all I’ve ever wanted from life.”

Life

My marriage ended in 2011. In the two years that followed, I severed nearly every other tie to society that I’d ever had. After our separation I sold what belongings remained. A year later I quit my job at the software company and left my apartment. I moved into a cabin with no indoor plumbing and only an ancient cast-iron woodstove for heat.

Divorce

I am awakened by my alarm. Bleary eyed, I wish to go back to sleep, but then I remember all who believe in me, everyone cheering me on. I think of the sticker on the back of my phone which reads ‘Never, never, never give up’ and the bracelet on my wrist which says ‘Nothing great is easy’ and I sit up.

At first, I couldn’t quite identify the new emotion, but at last I realized what it was: I felt capable. Perhaps not capable of completing my goal, but at least capable of meeting challenges and solving problems as they came my way. Despite everything, I was still moving forward. It seemed impossible at times, and yet, here I was.

Perhaps thru-hiking was the only way I could cope with modern life. Some people drank. Others used drugs. Some zoned out in front of the screen. My escape was the trail, where life was not easy or comfortable.

“I might die out here, but I refuse to let it be today.”