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November 2, 2022 - March 10, 2023
Life was too sharp, too painful, too real and too loud when I was sober. Drinking softened the edges and blurred the clarity. It turned an intimidating Andy Warhol pop-art world into a misty Monet watercolour.
Addiction has an imperceptible grip, that tightens ever-so-gradually. Nobody wakes up one day and suddenly can’t stop
drinking. The progression is apparent to others perhaps, but mostly dismissed with quizzical glances. However, the person themselves is usually totally oblivious, because they are shrouded deep in denial. Deep, deep, deep in denial.
It was so demoralizing, never being able to live up to my best intentions.
What I wanted to do, and what I ended up doing, never matched.
As Brené Brown sagely says, ‘We can’t selectively numb out emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.’
In a way, dedicated drinkers have many of the same qualities as athletes. A tolerance for physical pain, a monolithic stubbornness, an all-or-nothing leaning towards the extreme.
When we make a clear-cut decision, rather than engage in the debate, our brains quieten down, says neuroscientist Alex Korb.
‘Our brain likes definite decisions,’ Korb continues. ‘When we’re torn between two possibilities, such as “do I drink tonight or not?”, the limbic system is amped up.
We’re programmed by society to look up to the Party Girls of this world. It’s a key scene in any coming-of-age movie (She’s All That, Clueless, Dirty Dancing, Save the Last Dance) whereby the gawky, mousey girl manages to peel herself off the sidelines after a shot or two, and join the party. Yeah! Watch her go! She’s finally cool! These messages burrow deep into our brains.
And the way I tried to get there, to that arms-in-the-air dancey place, was by drinking. Now that I don’t drink, I rarely get there, unless it’s a magical trifecta of the right music, the right friends, the right vibe.
‘The benefits of gratitude start with the dopamine system, because feeling grateful activates the brain stem region that produces dopamine. Additionally, gratitude toward others increases activity in social dopamine circuits, which makes social interactions more enjoyable,’ says neuroscientist Dr Alex Korb, author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression.
He says it’s all about the bounty-hunting, rather than the actual finding. ‘It’s not finding gratitude that matters most; it’s remembering to look in the first place. Remembering to be grateful is a form of emotional intelligence.’ As the brain gets used to seeking out the positives, it becomes more efficient at finding them, he explains.
But when we’re drunk, we’re socially anaesthetized. We don’t feel the social disgrace of these things. However, when we’re sober, we feel every awkward silence acutely. And that takes a lot of getting used to.
My unexpected joy in being sober felt like a stroke of serendipity, a beautiful accident and a mysterious transformation. But really, it’s just science. When you stop putting a neurotoxin into your brain and body, it makes sense that you feel a heckofalot better.
Alcohol is the only addictive drug that is still rampantly glamorized.
So, society pushes an addictive substance on us (sometimes literally chanting, ‘drink, drink, drink!’) and then, when we quit, is like: ‘Woah, you became addicted?’ *Backs away looking alarmed.* ‘You weren’t supposed to do that! You’re supposed to be able to take or leave the addictive substance, not become addicted to the addictive substance! We were only joking when we endorsed drinking in the morning!’ (Please note: drinking in the morning is acceptable when it’s mimosas on holiday, you’re getting ready for a wedding, or you’re downing Bloody Marys at a fashionable brunch spot. Got that?
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When people become addicted to alcohol, it’s seen as their failure. They didn’t pass the ‘moderate use of an addictive drug’ challenge. They failed at drinking! Society expects us to regularly use an addictive drug, without becoming addicted to it. Alcohol is the only drug where, the second you stop taking it, you’re seen as being too weak to handle it. It’s truly bizarre.
Heroin is estrangement, and alcohol is inclusion.’
The reason society wants to brush the ‘alcohol is highly addictive’ fact under the rug, is because most people are addicted to it to some degree. As we’ve already established, addiction is not a ‘normal drinkers’ versus ‘alcoholic’ division; it’s a spectrum.
Even drinkers that would be classified as ‘normal’ in the eyes of a doctor, would find it unimaginable and horrifying to never drink again.
‘People don’t get a clear and consistent message about the level of risk around drinking,’ explains Dr Julia Lewis. ‘That’s partly because one side of the debate is able to shout louder than the other. The alcohol industry is a very powerful one with oodles and oodles of cash at its disposal.’
In 2011, the World Health Organization announced that alcohol is the ‘international number one killer’, given it contributes to 60 different diseases.
It’s a colossal news blackout, driven by collective denial.
‘Concordant drinking couples reported decreased negative marital quality over time.’ Basically, if one of you is a massive imbiber, and the other a teetotaller, you’re not going to get along. You’re going to irritate each other. It’s better that you have similar (both teetotal, or both heavy drinkers, or both moderate drinkers) drinking habits.
In January 2016, a report by the Chief Medical Officer said, ‘There is no level of regular drinking that can be considered as completely safe.’
Also in 2016, the World Health Organization classified alcohol as a group one carcinogen, alongside tobacco and asbestos. We now know that alcohol directly causes eight different cancers.
Boston University stated in a report in 2012 that ‘Reducing alcohol consumption is an important and underemphasised cancer prevention strategy’.
WE REACT DIFFERENTLY TO THE SAME STIMULUS. BECAUSE WE ARE DIFFERENT.
Choosing not to drink, rather than being forced into it, is a subtle but powerful mental shift.
cannot emphasize enough how dangerous it is to stigmatize addiction.
