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January 5 - January 13, 2024
My top sober reads are: Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety by Sacha Z Scoblic, Blackout by Sarah Hepola, This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol by Annie Grace, Dry by Augusten Burroughs and Kick the Drink...Easily by Jason Vale. For podcasts, I love Home and The One You Feed.
I finally got to a headspace whereby I realized that I deserved not to drink. I deserved not to have a life of 3am nausea and unreliability and zero money and bloodshot eyes. I deserved better.
The act of making a decision feels scary, since you may fail, but once you make a decision and set a definitive goal, the brain likes it more.’ It’s why Holly from Hip Sobriety’s recovery motto is ‘Never question the decision.’ It’s why she has a neat little ‘nqtd’ tattoo. Questioning the ‘I don’t drink, ever’ decision restarts the debate in our heads, and hands our addictive voice a megaphone.
I needed to raise my self-esteem to rise above the desire to drink.
I totally relate to what Eminem has to say about nature. ‘I speak to Elton [John]. He’s like my sponsor....He was saying things to me like, “You’re going to see nature that you never noticed before.” Shit you’d normally think was corny but that you haven’t seen in so long that you just go, “Wow! Look at that fucking rainbow!” Or even little things – trees, the colour of leaves. I fucking love leaves now, man. I feel like I’ve been neglecting leaves for a long time.’ No more neglecting leaves.
SOBRIETY HAS CHANGED ME, LITTLE BY LITTLE, DAY BY DAY. I AM NOW GENUINELY HAPPY FOR OTHER PEOPLE WHEN GOOD STUFF HAPPENS TO THEM.
BUT, WHENEVER YOU DON’T DRINK, PEOPLE SEEM TO FEEL THEY DESERVE AN EXPLANATION. AS IF YOUR STORY IS PUBLIC PROPERTY. IT’S WEIRD AND AT TIMES, VERY ANNOYING.
Here’s the thing I discovered. When I started stepping out from behind the ‘triathlon!’ toot-a-toot bravado, and showing chinks in my ‘health reasons!’ armour, the People started reacting a lot better. Instead of dismissing me as a ‘health bore’ they started softening up. ‘My body is a temple’ virtuousness turns most people off. They try to topple your smugness, they try to push drinks on you, they don’t relate. ‘I was a nightmare and now I’m trying not to be’ is a much more likeable package. Vulnerability is attractive. It really is. And you’ll find people show you their soft spots, in
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Being able to socialize without drinking is like a superpower that you should be proud of. We’re not afflicted, we’re liberated. Let’s remove our imaginary cones of shame.
THIS MAKES ABSOLUTE SENSE TO ME. IT’S WHY THE LONGER YOU ARE SOBER, THE EASIER IT IS TO BE SOBER. IT’S WHY THE FIRST MONTH IS THE HARDEST. YOU’RE FORGING A NEW PATHWAY THROUGH A TANGLED FOREST. TRAMPING DOWN A NEW NEURAL ROUTE.
HERE’S THE THING I’VE NOW REALIZED. INHIBITIONS ARE GREAT. THEY KILL BAD BUZZES, NOT GOOD BUZZES. WE SHOULD NOT WANT TO TURN THEM OFF. THEY PROTECT US.
The study leader asserted that between 80 and 95 per cent of films portray alcohol in a positive light.
When people become addicted to alcohol, it’s seen as their failure. They didn’t pass the ‘moderate use of an addictive drug’ challenge. They failed at drinking! Society expects us to regularly use an addictive drug, without becoming addicted to it. Alcohol is the only drug where, the second you stop taking it, you’re seen as being too weak to handle it. It’s truly bizarre.
They scored each drug out of 100, with 100 being the most harmful. Alcohol rolled in at 72 on the harm scale, heroin was a distant second at 55, crack rolled in at 54, while crystal meth came in at 33, cocaine was scored as 27 and tobacco hit 26.
‘People don’t get a clear and consistent message about the level of risk around drinking,’ explains Dr Julia Lewis. ‘That’s partly because one side of the debate is able to shout louder than the other. The alcohol industry is a very powerful one with oodles and oodles of cash at its disposal.’
3. CHILDREN IN A CAR One of my sober friends once said, ‘Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the boot either.’ Let them chit-chatter away in the back, and get on with your life. Amazing, right?
MYTH Sober people are straight-edge cowards REALITY Sober people are rebellious non-conformers
Some see being sober as a lily-livered move. ‘They can’t handle it.’ Huh? It’s actually more of a gangster move to choose to peel away from the pack in a world that is super drink-pushy. It’s having the courage to say, ‘Er, I don’t want to run with you guys any more, because I think you’re running in the wrong direction. Right over a cliff, in fact.’
Meanwhile, the strongest predictor of whether someone will become addicted to alcohol, is a traumatic childhood. A high number of adverse experiences during childhood makes people seven times more likely to develop an addiction to alcohol in later life, reports a study of 17,000 Americans conducted by Kaiser Permanente.
Some of the best advice I ever received was: ‘Don’t try harder. Try different.’ If something’s not getting you sober or keeping you sober, try something else. Just as you would try a different therapist, or a different exercise regime, if your current one wasn’t giving you results. If you stop doing something and you drink, whoa, hotfoot right back to doing what you were doing before. If you stop doing something and you don’t drink, you’re fine.
A 2013 Boston College study showed that people who say ‘I don’t’ are more successful than those who say ‘I can’t’. Which is why I say ‘I don’t drink’ rather than ‘I can’t drink’.
You don’t even have to be addicted, like I was, to choose sober.
It might be that you appreciate having six more hours in your weekend, freed up from hungover lie-ins. It might be that you love your whittled-down waist, your fatter bank account and your pin-clear memory of nights out.
THE QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF IS NOT: ‘AM I AN ALCOHOLIC?’ SWIVEL THAT FOCUS. THE QUESTION IS: ‘WOULD MY LIFE WOULD BE BETTER IF I WAS SOBER?’ IF THE ANSWER IS YES, THEN SHOOT FOR SOBER!
Aargh. It’s madly draining. When you take drinking completely off the table, your mind is freed up to think about much more interesting things. Your life gets bigger as a result. You read more. You have more money.
Once you’re sober, you see that you wasted so many years drinking your well-being away.
The further down you sank into the abyss of addictive drinking, the more you appreciate the view on your ascent out. And once you’ve clawed your way out, you feel more than a little invincible. ‘If I got sober, when it felt impossible, what else can I do?’
