I Can Be a Better You

by Tarryn Fisher

I overthink things, yes? My mind is like a computer with too many tabs left open.

Now all everyone worries about is if there’s too much high fructose corn syrup in their kid’s juice box. Get a grip, you know?

It was the time of year when the world was bright with life, all the new things peeking

All of those bad memories lingering around me like ghosts. There didn’t need to be, did there? I could move right here to this little box house with the cream shutters

I didn’t need anyone’s approval to live my life. Astrology is a bunch of salty bullshit. The stars are giant flaming balls of gas, floating in a vacuum.

dying gave you perspective, purpose. People told you you’re brave and believed it, like it was my fucking choice to have this cancer

There were three things that drew women into a hungry-eyed cluster: liquor, men, and gossip.

Maybe I was too hard on women. Society trained us to believe they have ulterior motives.

I’d forgotten to take care of myself. That’s what happened when you were sad.

When you live in your own head all the time, things contort. You have to voice your thoughts so you can know you’re not the only one who’s fucked up. It makes a big difference to know that.”

This was my future, this man. I loved him. He was everything I’d wanted when I was young and stupid,

I’m not sure what made me more depressed: what could have been, or what should have been.

Marriage was nothing but a lot of dirty dishes and pee sprinkled on your toilet seat.

get a dishwasher for the love of God haha

Life is a great big thing and you can’t let people ruin it for you.”

I used to want to do something to be remembered for, someone important. I wouldn’t even know where to start at this point.

My professor, an ex-nun, would often speak about the written word having rhythm and beat.

I didnt knkow you could be an ex nun. I thought once you were a nun you were one for life

A woman’s heart was an awful curse. She’d take him back, but probably remind him of his failure for the rest of his life. That was the nature of forgiveness.

“Humans are monogamous creatures. We stray when our happiness is threatened. Happiness is tied to survival. We feel as if we are failing if we aren’t happy, especially when we open any social media panel and see our friends hashtagging all the good things in their lives. It’s all fake. We are all more in limbo than we are happy.”

When you start changing little things, the big things change, too.”

She obviously didn’t know the effect she had on all of them. Grown men following her around like lost puppies. It was pathetic really.

Normally, I’d be weary of a compliment from another woman, who often only gave compliments to either point out a flaw:

When you look at him, you only see what you want to see.

Sometimes I replayed something that happened over and over until I thought I’d go mad.

I was bored and filled with small-scale grudges and passivity.