More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
May 22 - May 31, 2019
In Stoicism, what you do with the given circumstances matters much more. Stoics recognized that the good life depends on the cultivation of one’s character, on one’s choices and actions rather than on what happens in the uncontrollable world around us.
The Stoics identified strong emotions as our ultimate weakness; especially when we let them dictate our behavior.
Stoicism has nothing to do with suppressing or hiding one’s emotions or being emotionless. Rather, it’s about acknowledging our emotions, reflecting on what causes them, and learning to redirect them for our own good.
The point is, nobody will ever be perfect in all their actions and, as long as we’re trying our best, this doesn’t matter.
Just because we should try to accept whatever happens does not mean we approve of it. It just means that we understand that we cannot change it.
The freedom of choice, or how the Stoics call it, reasoned choice, is really about actively choosing our response rather than reactively going with the default response.
Epictetus advises to always have two rules ready at mind: (1) there is nothing good or bad unless we choose to make it so, and (2) we shouldn’t try to lead events but follow them. Resistance is futile, take things as they come, and make the best of what’s in your power.
Personally, I do the good, better, best exercise. I ask myself three simple questions: Good: What did I do well today? Better: How could I improve? What could I do better? Best: What do I need to do if I want to be the best version of myself?
“If you seek tranquility, do less . . . do what’s essential.” This will bring a double satisfaction, says Marcus Aurelius, “to do less, better.”
Let’s be indifferent to what others think of us. Let’s be as dismissive of their approval as we are of their disapproval. And let’s focus on where our power lies—our well-intended actions. Doing the right thing is its own reward. Let’s find satisfaction in that.
First of all, wealth must come honorably and be spent honorably, says Seneca, and adds: “The wise man does not consider himself unworthy of any gifts from Fortune’s hands: he does not love wealth but he would rather have it; he does not admit it into his heart but into his home, and what wealth is his he does not reject but keeps, wishing it to supply greater scope for him to practice his virtue.”
Make sure you won’t be the old person with no other evidence besides your age and white hair to prove you’ve lived a long life.
Your reaction decides whether harm has occurred or not. Marcus Aurelius says it needs to be this way, because otherwise other people would have power over you. And that’s not in the universe’s intention. Only you have access to your mind, only you can ruin your life. Take responsibility.
the judgment, and the hurt will vanish, too. Don’t judge the event
As Marcus Aurelius puts it: “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.” It’s obviously not easy, but it’s good to know none the less. Just try this: Don’t whine, moan, or complain.
Some grief is required. Proper grief according to Seneca is when our reason “will maintain a mean which will copy neither indifference nor madness, and will keep us in the state that is the mark of an affectionate, and not an unbalanced, mind.”
Rather than mourning the end of her life, we could be grateful for the moments we experienced together. This may make us sad, but also grateful.
The present alone, he says, cannot make you miserable. That’s why we should try to catch ourselves when we’re overwhelmed, and ask: “Right here, right now, what’s the task at hand and why does it seem unbearable?”
Before you take things too seriously, remind yourself that things that happen to you are not special. Hundreds have experienced it before you, and hundreds more will once you’re gone.
“Associate with people who are likely to improve you.”
Leave other people to their faults. Nothing in Stoicism empowers us to judge them—only to accept and love them as they are. Let’s focus inward. There’s enough to correct in ourselves.
Marcus Aurelius advises to speak only what you think is just, and always do so with kindness, modesty, and sincerity. The point is: Speak only when you’re certain that what you’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.
If you live by your beliefs and standards you’ll be in a harmony called cognitive consonance. You think a way and act that way too. That feels great.
