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September 13 - September 13, 2020
Stoicism has nothing to do with suppressing or hiding one’s emotions or being emotionless. Rather, it’s about acknowledging our emotions, reflecting on what causes them, and learning to redirect them for our own good. In other words, it’s more about unslaving ourselves from negative emotions, more like taming rather than getting rid of them.
“When the light has been taken away and my wife has fallen silent, aware as she is of my habit, I examine my entire day, going through what I have done and said.” Seneca
The point is, nobody will ever be perfect in all their actions and, as long as we’re trying our best, this doesn’t matter.
You only control your action and not what happens afterward. Yes, you might feel good about helping her. Yes, you might get her number. But also, you might get slapped in the face by the bully. And you might get ignored by the girl. So, a Stoic should be willing to act with courage despite his feelings pulling him back rather than because of possible future benefits.
Marcus Aurelius describes this elegantly in his Meditations. He distinguishes between three types of people. The first type of people, after doing a deed of kindness to another, is quickly to demand the favor in return. The second type of people are not so quick to ask for a return of the favor, but privately think of the other as their debtor. The third type of people are just “like the vine which has produced grapes and looks for nothing else once it has borne its own fruit.”
Success, then, is defined by our effort to do everything that’s within our power. Whether we hit the target or not, whether we win or lose, whether we drop some weight or not, ultimately does not matter.
Stoicism teaches that we’re very much responsible for our own happiness as well as unhappiness.
“If you want anything good, get it from yourself.”
Let’s call this the freedom of choice, inspired by Viktor Frankl, who says in his book A Man’s Search for Meaning, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
Take responsibility. For the Stoics, it’s clear that not events, but our opinions about those events are the cause of a troubled mind. This might show as suffering and unhappiness and arises when we believe the stories we tell ourselves.
All the adversities you’re facing in your life, these are tests. It’s mere training. Life isn’t supposed to be easy, life is supposed to be challenging to make sure you actually grow.
“Remember,” Epictetus continues, “that if you abide in the same principles, these men who first ridiculed will afterward admire you.”
This is a bulletproof way to maintain your confidence: (1) you try your best to succeed, (2) you know that the results are out of your control, (3) you’re prepared to accept success and failure equally, and (4) you continue to live with areté, moment to moment.
“The impediment to action advances actions. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius
“When giving your child or wife a kiss, repeat to yourself, ‘I am kissing a mortal.’” – Epictetus
The next time you say goodbye to a loved one, silently remind yourself that this might be your final parting. You’ll be less attached to them and if you see them again, you’ll appreciate it much more.
Things are impermanent. Enjoy what you love as long as you have it. If nothing else, then your own death will end it.
Do you truly own anything?
“Devastation—that feeling that we’re absolutely crushed and shocked by an event—is a factor of how unlikely we considered that event in the first place.”
Rehearse your day in the morning, review your progress in the evening. At the end of each day, sit down with your journal and review: What did you do? What did you well? What not so well? How could you improve?
Fulfill your duties as a daughter even if your father doesn’t fulfill his duties as a father to you. That’s ultimately his loss, not yours. He’s doing damage to himself by not living in harmony with nature. If he hurts you, he pays the price in a way or another. You might not see it at the moment, but he loses something by not fulfilling his duties. “No man is bad without suffering some loss,” says Epictetus.
But if you try to hurt your father in return, then you don’t fulfill your duties as a daughter and as a consequence injure yourself. You lose part of your character—the gentle, patient, and dignified. Do you realize it? No. The loss of character is not accompanied by sickness or loss of possessions. You don’t realize what you’ve lost—your gentle, patient, and dignified character.
By seeking social status, we give other people power over us. We have to act in a calculated way to make them admire us, and we must refrain from doing things in their disfavor. We enslave ourselves by seeking fame.
“We’re tight-fisted with property and money,” says Seneca, “yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.”
“Take a day off from work every now and then, but not a day off from learning.”
You act like mortals in all that you fear, and like immortals in all that you desire.”
“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face.”
-Mike Tyson
Just try this: Don’t whine, moan, or complain.
“I judge you unfortunate because you have never lived through misfortune. You have passed through life without an opponent—no one can ever know what you are capable of, not even you.”
In times of struggles, it can be helpful to remember what we have. Because we forget how good we actually have it, and how kind life has been with us in the past.
Don’t be the guy who shouts from the rooftops when done a just act. “Simply move on to the next deed just like the vine produces another bunch of grapes in the right season.” Marcus reminds us to do good for its own sake.
“When you are offended at any man’s fault,” Epictetus tells us, “turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”
“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.” – Seneca
We judge people but don’t know the situation they’re in. We don’t know their backstory, we don’t know why they do what they do. We basically know nothing about them.
“Avoid feasting with low people. Those who are not modest even when sober become much more recklessly impudent after drinking.” Seneca makes a fair point. His solution? “Associate with people who are likely to improve you.”
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
“The reason why we have two ears and only one mouth is so we might listen more and talk less.”
