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No tree becomes deep-rooted and sturdy unless strong winds blow against it. This shaking and pulling is what makes the tree tighten its grip and plant its roots more securely; the fragile trees are those grown in a sunny valley.
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Imagine the best version of yourself. Look inside, do you see and know who that highest version of you is, the one who acts right in all situations, the one who makes no mistakes and seems unbeatable?
This is why we need to make progress toward taming and overcoming disturbing desires and emotions, so that, as Seneca puts it, the glitter of gold doesn’t dazzle our eyes more than the flash of a sword, and that we can easily wave aside what other people crave and fear.
tranquility, is all about knowing your path and walking that path. It’s the feeling we get when we truly and utterly trust ourselves. You’re confident that what you’re doing is right, and you don’t need to listen left and right for what others have to say. You don’t need to second guess and compare yourself to others all the time. You trust in what you’re doing because you’re trying your best, and you’re living accordingly to your values and know it’s all you can do.
Eudaimonia: At the core of the triangle is eudaimonia—the ultimate goal of life all ancient philosophies agreed on.
Live with Areté: Express your highest self in every moment.
Focus on What You Control: This is the most prominent principle in Stoicism. At all times, we need to focus on the things we control, and take the rest as it happens. What already is has to be accepted because it’s beyond our power to undo it. What’s beyond our power is ultimately not important for our flourishing. What’s important for our flourishing is what we choose to do with the given external circumstances. So no matter the situation, it’s always within our power to try to make the best with it, and to live in harmony with our ideal self. Take Responsibility: Good and bad come solely
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Virtue is what helps you close the gap between what you’re actually doing and what you’re capable of.
You should act virtuously because it’s the right thing to do and not because it will benefit you in some way or another. Help the bullied girl because it’s the appropriate thing to do and not because you’ll feel great afterward and you’ll get a chance for a date.
The first type of people, after doing a deed of kindness to another, is quickly to demand the favor in return. The second type of people are not so quick to ask for a return of the favor, but privately think of the other as their debtor. The third type of people are just “like the vine which has produced grapes and looks for nothing else once it has borne its own fruit.”
Does Steven like me? Will I get that job? Why am I not taller/thinner/better looking? Handing power to things we have no direct control over causes emotional suffering.
What is it then that we have control over? Only a few things—our voluntary judgments and actions.
This focus on the process, focus on what you control idea, is a massive confidence booster. You know if you do your very best, you will succeed no matter what. It’s all you can do. If you try your absolute best at your job, in your relationships, and for your health, then you’ll always feel confident and at peace with yourself. This calm confidence or tranquility lies in knowing that you did whatever was in your power, because that’s all you control. Even
Just like for that dog, there are many things in our lives we can’t control. Either we accept the situation and try to make the best with it, or we fight it like a stubborn baby and end up crying and feeling miserable. It’s our choice.
“To get upset by things is to wrongly assume that they will last, [and] to resent change is to wrongly assume that you have a choice in the matter.”
resignation is precisely against what the Stoics preached and practiced. Events do not happen as they do regardless of your actions, but rather depending on your actions.
indifferent. Crucially, only the things which are up to us can be either good or bad, and all those that aren’t up to us get classified as indifferent.
If we could choose, we’d always take the better options. And that’s the same for the Stoics, they seek those better options but do so in a detached manner. They’d rather have it but it’s okay if they don’t.
Stoicism teaches that we’re very much responsible for our own happiness as well as unhappiness. It also teaches that taking this responsibility will improve our chances of attaining eudaimonia. The victim mentality—blaming external circumstances for our unhappiness—on the other hand, will make the happy life an impossible goal to reach.
The point is, when something happens to you—you break a glass, step into dog poop, or get shown the middle finger by a stranger—you could enter the gap before you react automatically.
The Stoics argue that you can step in between what happens (dog poop), and your reaction to it (anger and f-words). The idea is to choose your best virtuous response rather than going with the default.
“Men are disturbed not by the things which happen, but by the opinions about the things.”
The first lesson, then, is to never blame other people or outside events for whatever negative emotions we’re feeling. Take responsibility. For the Stoics, it’s clear that not events, but our opinions about those events are the cause of a troubled mind.
That’s why Epictetus advises to always have two rules ready at mind: (1) there is nothing good or bad unless we choose to make it so, and (2) we shouldn’t try to lead events but follow them. Resistance is futile, take things as they come, and make the best of what’s in your power.
Don’t be satisfied with mere learning, but practice, practice, practice! Because if time passes, Epictetus says, we forget what we’ve learned and end up doing the opposite, and hold opinions the opposite of what we should.
"What would have become of Hercules, do you think, if there had been no lion, hydra, stag or boar - and no savage criminals to rid the world of? What would he have done in the absence of such challenges?” – Epictetus
“Obviously,” Epictetus says, “he would have just rolled over in bed and gone back to sleep. So by snoring his life away in luxury and comfort he never would have developed into the mighty Hercules.”
What would have become of any person you admire without any struggles? Your mom? That colleague you rate so highly? Roger Federer or any other superstar? One thing is sure, they wouldn’t be where they are without the challenges they surely faced in their lives. Difficulties are important. That’s what we’re here for. God, says Seneca, “does not make a spoiled pet of a good man; he tests him, hardens him, and fits him for his own service.”
All the adversities you’re facing in your life, these are tests. It’s mere training. Life isn’t supposed to be easy, life is supposed to be cha...
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Whenever you find yourself in a hole, remind yourself of Hercules who became strong only because of the challenges he faced.
Stoicism requires us to be able to not react impulsively to what happens to us. It requires us to spot our initial impressions, so that we recognize our ability to choose our response. Once we’re able to spot our automatic impressions, we can test them and actively choose to go with the impression or not.
The whole idea of virtue, to express our highest self in every moment, is based on our ability to be present in the moment and know what’s going on. How else do we want to choose our best action?
You would do well, I think, to keep it a secret that you are a practicing Stoic. By practicing Stoicism stealthily, you can gain its benefits while avoiding one significant cost: the teasing and outright mockery of your friends, relatives, neighbors, and coworkers.”
The Stoic Art of Acquiescence: Accept And Love Whatever Happens
“Thy will be done.” And it doesn’t matter whether we call it God, Nature, Fortune, or Fate—but we must acknowledge that there’s something bigger than us, and that we don’t control everything that happens around us.
When you plan to do something, you add the caveat “if nothing prevents me.”
This is a bulletproof way to maintain your confidence: (1) you try your best to succeed, (2) you know that the results are out of your control, (3) you’re prepared to accept success and failure equally, and (4) you continue to live with areté, moment to moment.
“If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.”
“When giving your child or wife a kiss, repeat to yourself, ‘I am kissing a mortal.’” – Epictetus Change is a universal law of nature. Things are changing constantly. Life is ephemeral—people we care about may be snatched from us in a snap, without warning. This is why Marcus Aurelius often reminds himself of the time as a river metaphor, in which everything flows past: “Think often on the swiftness with which the things that exist and that are coming into existence are swept past us and carried out of sight. For all substance is as a river in ceaseless flow, its activities ever changing and
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Keep in mind that you are lucky to be able to enjoy the things you have, and that your enjoyment might end abruptly, and that you might never be able to enjoy those things again. Learn to enjoy stuff and people without feeling entitled to them, without clinging.
“I am not eternal, but a human being; a part of the whole, as an hour is of the day. Like an hour I must come and, like an hour, pass away.” – Epictetus
Things are impermanent. Enjoy what you love as long as you have it. If nothing else, then your own death will end it.
Contemplating your own death won’t depress you, no, it will enhance your enjoyment of life. It will turn to your advantage. You won’t take things for granted anymore, and appreciate every little thing much more. You will savor each and every moment. Because you’re well aware that all these things had not been granted to you indefinitely.
Negative visualization is an imagination exercise in which you foresee bad stuff. It prepares you to stay calm and deal effectively with whatever life will throw at you.
They advised to occasionally practice getting uncomfortable in order to be better off in the future.
Again, this isn’t about punishing yourself; it’s about expanding your comfort zone, getting more comfortable in uncomfortable situations, and improving your self-discipline, resilience, and confidence.
“When you first rise in the morning tell yourself: I will encounter busybodies, ingrates, egomaniacs, liars, the jealous and cranks. They are all stricken with these afflictions because they don’t know the difference between good and evil.” – Marcus Aurelius
“We live in the middle of things which have all been destined to die. Mortal have you been born, to mortals you have given birth. Reckon on everything, expect everything.” Memento mori (remember you are mortal).
For example, one evening you reflect that you reacted like a jerk in traffic when this other driver cut you off and you ranted and raved. Next time you find yourself in the same situation, and if you’re mindful enough, you decide to do better and stay calm, patient, and forgiving.
