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February 20 - April 5, 2020
Anger, the desire to repay suffering, is brief madness, says Seneca. Because an angry man lacks self-control, is forgetful of kinship, is deaf to reason and advice, gets aroused by trifles, and doesn’t know what’s true and false—“very like a falling rock which breaks itself to pieces upon the very thing which it crushes.”
Getting angry at a situation doesn’t have an impact on the situation. It doesn’t change it, it doesn’t improve it. Oftentimes, what angers us doesn’t really harm us, and our anger will outlast the damage done to us.
And he says we should always keep in mind that it’s not the situation that harms us, but our interpretation about it. “So when someone arouses your anger, know that it’s really your opinion fueling it.”
What we fear will often not happen in reality. But our imaginary fear has real consequences. We’re held back by our fears, we’re paralyzed by what isn’t real.
The primary cause of fear, says Seneca, is that “instead of adapting ourselves to present circumstances we send out thoughts too far ahead.” It’s a projection to the future about something we don’t control that causes a dangerous amount of worry.
“The man who has anticipated the coming of troubles takes away their power when they arrive,” says Seneca. That’s why it’s so important to prepare for challenging situations to arise.
As aspiring Stoics, we should try to see the world as it really is, rather than demanding that it fits our expectations. We must remind ourselves what the world is like, what we can expect to encounter in it, and what lies within our own control. The wise person, says Seneca, “will ensure that none of what happens will come unexpectedly.”
The rules are simple: (1) notice when you’re off-balance, for example, when you start to lose your patience with the traffic, your spouse, or a colleague, then (2) see how fast you can catch yourself and correct yourself—bringing yourself back to equanimity.
Always remember: Obstacles and challenging situations make us stronger, they’re an opportunity for growth.
“If a person gave away your body to some passersby, you’d be furious. Yet you hand over your mind to anyone who comes along, so they may abuse you, leaving it disturbed and troubled—have you no shame in that?” – Epictetus
First, don’t get upset. Second, do the right thing. That’s it.
Don’t wish for life to be hard, but neither wish for it to be easier when it gets tough. Rather wish for the strength to deal with it.
The past is unchangeably gone. The future can only be influenced by the actions we take here and now. That’s why the Stoics say we must be mindful in the present moment and focus on what’s real and graspable.
If we want to express our highest self in every moment, then we need to be aware of our actions in the present moment. This mindfulness is a prerequisite for the practicing Stoic.
First, spot our impressions and make sure we don’t get carried away immediately. Second, examine the impressions and calmly decide what to do next.
If you choose not to react at all to minor inconveniences, you simply won’t care anymore. As if nothing happened. If we simply gain time and wait before we react, then we’ll be able to resist our impulses to react instinctively and immediately. These impulsive reactions are not helpful in most cases. This
Do good because it’s the right thing to do. Don’t look for anything in return. Do it for yourself. So you can be the person you want to be.
Be kind and show that strength.
One strategy is to pause and ask whether what’s been said is true. “Why is it an insult,” Seneca asks, “to be told what is self-evident?” Plus, let’s ask who insulted us? If it’s someone we respect, then we value her opinion and accept it as something we can actually improve on. If we don’t respect the source, then why bother?
Let’s remember that rational and wise people don’t insult others, at least not on purpose. So if a person insults us, we can be certain this person has a flawed and immature character.
“I’m constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than in our own estimation of self . . . How much credence we give to the opinions our peers have of us and how little to our very own!”
“Starting with things of little value—a bit of spilled oil, a little stolen wine—repeat to yourself: ‘For such a small price I buy tranquility and peace of mind.’” –
The main challenge is this: We need to be aware of the arising feelings in the first place. So we need to be able to step in between stimulus and automatic response. And once we’re in that gap, we need to have the self-discipline to actually buy tranquility and not react at all.
“Avoid fraternizing with non-philosophers. If you must, though, be careful not to sink to their level; because, you know, if a companion is dirty, his friends cannot help but get a little dirty too, no matter how clean they started out.” – Epictetus
Seneca also advises to spend less time with people who always complain: The companion “who is always upset and bemoans everything is a foe to tranquility.”
“Let philosophy scrape off your own faults, rather than be a way to rail against the faults of others.”
“Often injustice lies in what you aren’t doing, not only in what you are doing.” – Marcus Aurelius
It’s when good citizens decline to get involved when evil will triumph. There’s a famous saying: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
It’s not enough to just not do evil. We must be a force for the good in the world, even in minor situations. As well as we can.
“Let silence be your goal for the most part; say only what is necessary, and be brief about it. On the rare occasions when you’re called upon to speak, then speak, but never about banalities like gladiators, horses, sports, food and drink—common-place stuff. Above all don’t gossip about people, praising, blaming or comparing them.” – Epictetus
The Stoics are clear on this: Don’t gossip. Don’t blame. Don’t complain. Don’t talk too much. Especially not about what’s not meaningful. “In your conversation, don’t dwell at excessive length on your own deeds or adventures.” Epictetus is strict: don’t tell excessive stories.
Marcus Aurelius advises to speak only what you think is just, and always do so with kindness, modesty, and sincerity.
In conversation, make it a rule to hold your fire. Be the person who listens most of the time, and says only what improves the conversation. People will benefit even if they don’t say so. And you not only improve your empathic listening skills, but more generally your conversation and observation skills, and on top of that your relationships.
"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." – Marcus Aurelius
The Stoics say we must set standards, and then live by them. It’s the work of philosophy to examine and uphold the standards, “but the work of a truly good person is in using those standards when they know them.”
"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one."
