Four Ever

by Sloane Kennedy

I forced myself to go to Zak. It was all I could do not to reach for him and pull him against me. But we didn’t do that anymore. We didn’t do a lot of things anymore.

He wasn’t the old, familiar Killian anymore because I’d made him change. I’d made him choose between the only thing he’d ever wanted to be and me. He’d chosen me. And I hated myself for it. But I was too much of a coward to risk losing him… in any kind of way. So I’d condemned us to this non-life where I’d gotten what I wanted, but not really.

I also didn’t have it in me to tell him the things I really needed to say. That I loved him. And missed him. And that I was sorry that I’d fucked so many things up for him. For me. For us.

A strange look passed between the two men and then Zak looked over his shoulder at me. He winked at me in the way he’d used to when he wanted to let me know everything was okay. I hadn’t seen that wink in a really long time.

I glanced over my shoulder to see them washing their hands side by side. Every once in a while they’d shift their bodies as they briefly kissed each other, and I could see they were actually washing each other’s hands. My heart jumped at the displays of affection. Had they finally talked? Were things between them on the mend?