Four Ever

by Sloane Kennedy

He wasn’t the old, familiar Killian anymore because I’d made him change. I’d made him choose between the only thing he’d ever wanted to be and me. He’d chosen me. And I hated myself for it. But I was too much of a coward to risk losing him… in any kind of way. So I’d condemned us to this non-life where I’d gotten what I wanted, but not really.

My stomach ached as I considered how low and desperate I’d become. “Right,” I managed to respond to Killian, though all I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and tell him how fucking sorry I was. I wanted to tell him he deserved better than me… than the man I’d become in my desperation not to lose him.

I also didn’t have it in me to tell him the things I really needed to say. That I loved him. And missed him. And that I was sorry that I’d fucked so many things up for him. For me. For us.

“It’s fine,” Killian said. Fine. I fucking hated that word. Killian and I used it way too much now.