Four Ever

by Sloane Kennedy

“Well, at least someone loves me,” Zak groused as he leaned down to pick the cat up. It was on the tip of my tongue to remind Zak that no one loved him more than I did, but I kept silent. They were words I wouldn’t have hesitated to speak eighteen months ago. But a lot had changed since then. Sometimes I wondered if maybe too much had changed. Maybe I’d changed things too much.

He wasn’t the old, familiar Killian anymore because I’d made him change. I’d made him choose between the only thing he’d ever wanted to be and me. He’d chosen me. And I hated myself for it. But I was too much of a coward to risk losing him… in any kind of way. So I’d condemned us to this non-life where I’d gotten what I wanted, but not really.

My stomach ached as I considered how low and desperate I’d become. “Right,” I managed to respond to Killian, though all I really wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and tell him how fucking sorry I was. I wanted to tell him he deserved better than me… than the man I’d become in my desperation not to lose him.

I also didn’t have it in me to tell him the things I really needed to say. That I loved him. And missed him. And that I was sorry that I’d fucked so many things up for him. For me. For us.

I’d forced him to give up so much for me that it wasn’t fair to ask him for anything else, right?

“It’s fine,” Killian said. Fine. I fucking hated that word. Killian and I used it way too much now.

I saw Liam leaning against the doorframe between the kitchen and the hall that led to the guest room. My heart jumped in my chest just a bit, but it had nothing to do with fear. And fuck if that didn’t just break my heart a little more.

my gaze landed on his lips, my words got stuck around my suddenly thick tongue. I quickly dropped my eyes, but only so far as to stare at Killian’s Adam’s apple. Definitely not a safe zone. I lifted my eyes thinking maybe just staring him down would do the trick, but he was focused on covering my hand with the bandage. And that was when I saw the little hoop in his nose. Jesus, was there no place to look on the guy that wouldn’t have my dick thanking me?

“I’m never walking away, baby,” Killian whispered in my ear before he kissed the soft spot behind it. “You want me to go, you need to tell me so.”

“He says he made you give up your dream.” Killian shook his head. “He was my dream. Still is. This life,” – Killian looked around the kitchen– “this is my dream. But I fucked that up too.”

with a single, simple, whispered word, Noah bound the four of us together in a way that no longer seemed even a little bit wrong. “Stay.”

None of what was happening made sense, but for the moment, we were all exactly where we needed to be.

I couldn’t deny that I was also excited to get home and check on Noah and Liam. One look at Zak and I knew he was thinking the same thing. Maybe if we were lucky, we’d get to walk in on the young men having a little fun of their own. And if we were really, really lucky, maybe they wouldn’t mind an audience… or more.

As I locked the door behind me and followed my men – yes, because that’s what they were tonight… my men – all I could think was fuck complicated. Complicated was just going to have to take the night off.

“Do you need a sample of each before you make your decision, baby?” Killian asked.

“Liam, Noah, Killian, please,” I begged, not even knowing what I was really asking for. I’d thought this moment would be primarily about Noah, but it was like it was my first time all over again… maybe it was the first time I’d always wanted, dreamed of. Maybe it wasn’t like finding a home so much as coming home.

“I couldn’t take my eyes off you as you took him inside you. I kept thinking about how hot and tight you probably felt. I was imagining what it would be like to watch him come inside you and then have Zak get behind you.” Noah’s cheeks reddened and his breathing increased. I put more pressure on his hole. “I was thinking about when it was my turn what it would feel like to slide through Liam’s and Zak’s juices as I rode you from behind.