Not So Pure and Simple

by Lamar Giles

He treated Instagram like it was Amazon, always shopping, always sliding into some new girl’s DMs looking for nothing longer than two-day delivery.

I’m not built that way though, not the smash-on-the-couch-after-school-before-some-adult-got-home type. I liked the way Dad sat on one corner of the sofa with Mom wedged in his armpit, her feet tucked under her, while we all watched Jeopardy! or Black-ish. I liked watching them hold hands in the Costco before I was old enough to skip the trip. That’s the kind of thing I wanted. With Kiera. And it wasn’t unattainable. I wouldn’t let it be.

“Sometimes I think simple hurts worse. So people make stuff complicated because there’s more ways to toss around blame.”

A lot of women have been hurt and will be hurt because we—men—are mostly still operating on a caveman’s script.”

We’re only right when we please you. When you’re not pleased, we’re crazy, or juvenile, or stupid, or not worth your time. Because you’re so nice.”

No space is safe where toxic male energy is permitted, or simply invades. But, we all knew that, didn’t we? It’s the other gender that seems ignorant to their toxic colonization of a woman’s right to breathe, and sunshine, and solace. Too bad they aren’t reading these stories, too.”

But all I can think about now is that animal who put his hands on Cressie was probably getting good-natured encouragement from his dad, and his uncles, and all the guys around them. ‘Go get that girl.’”

No matter what they do, I’m not hiding myself anymore. So, it’s acceptance or bust. I only know I’m not going to be the one who breaks. Not ever again.”