A Liberated Mind: How to Pivot Toward What Matters

by Steven C. Hayes

We can be the ones overwhelming our own intrinsic motives. We can easily become entranced by the desire to impress, to be admired, or to please others quite apart from whether the accomplishments we’re undertaking are actually meaningful to us. The satisfaction from those rewards will diminish over time. If, for example, we’re pursuing applause from others, rather than focusing on serving others, the day will come when applause feels empty. When the going is tough and we’re not doing well, we’ll be quickly frustrated, getting angry with ourselves, and impulsively thrashing about trying to find a reason to keep going. We may become obsessive about trying to prove our competence or avoidant of the shame of not being perfect. Procrastination is one way we avoid these situations; we mistake it for a way to keep feelings of failure or anxiety about the prospect of failure at bay, but it only ultimately intensifies them. Of course, often we also just abandon the effort altogether.