We can’t practice forgiveness aggressively. We can’t grab hold of it. We practice it by simply being willing to notice the pain and then the blame and resentment we’ve added to it; to admit to ourselves that we actually don’t want to forgive or be forgiven, that we’re addicted to the pain that we’re covering over with our hard-heartedness. So you notice the pain. You let yourself feel it. You stop blaming and bemoaning your fate. You take a breath and say to yourself, “Yes, yes, this is how it is.” When you do this repeatedly, the noise quiets down and you feel the grief and shame behind the
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