Consent: A Memoir of Unwanted Attention

by Donna Freitas

But saying no, really saying it firmly, was out of the question for a long, long time—until his behavior grew so intolerable and so out of control and so obsessive and unyielding that I no longer cared about my future or what might happen if I offended him. Until I was so desperate and broken that I didn’t want a future anymore at all. The power dynamics between the old and the young, between a big man and a small woman, between someone famous and important in your profession and you, when you are just starting out, between someone whom everyone loves and admires and you, who are still a nobody, between someone you aspire to become and the person you are now can seem insurmountable. To name their behavior as unacceptable, to do so explicitly and forcefully, may seem impossible. You know that to name it outright will more likely destroy you and your future than his. And that has been the pattern in our culture, hasn’t it? The woman pays the price with her future, and the man keeps his present and his future as though he did nothing wrong. That is the deal we strike when we come forward, isn’t it?