This Is How It Always Is

by Laurie Frankel

“Loving you no matter what you wear?” “Loving you no matter what.”

“For the moment.” Carmelo looked at her daughter. “For the moment’s all there is, my darling.”

“I’ve lived life. I know what’s important. I’ve seen it all by now. You think he’s the first boy I ever saw in a bikini? He’s not. You think your generation invented kids who are different?”

“Pick one.” “One what?” “One thing on your list to worry about. Put all your worry into that one thing. Worry about it as much as you like, as much as you need to. But only that one thing. Anytime any of the other things flits across your mind, take that concern and channel it into your one thing.”

“That’s the same amount of worry, just less spread out,” said Ben. “Consolidation is good,” his father promised. “If you give all your worry to one thing, soon you’ll realize that’s way too much and worry about it less, and you’ll feel more in control of it for keeping it at the front of your mind, and that will help you worry less too.

How did you teach your small human that it’s what’s inside that counts when the truth was everyone was pretty preoccupied with what you put on over the outside too?

Rosie was also used to conflicting emotions, for she was a mother and knew every moment of every day that no one out in the world could ever love or value or nurture her children as well as she could and yet that it was necessary nonetheless to send them out into that world anyway.

just feel a little bit sad. Sad isn’t bleeding. Sad is okay.”

“Easy is nice, but it’s not as good as getting to be who you are or stand up for what you believe in,” said Penn. “Easy is nice, but I wonder how often it leads to fulfilling work or partnership or being.”

You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands, who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future. And if you screw up, if with your incomplete, contradictory information you make the wrong call, well, nothing less than your child’s entire future and happiness is at stake. It’s impossible. It’s heartbreaking. It’s maddening. But there’s no alternative.”

They say it is what you never imagine can be lost that is hardest to live without.

Leaving wasn’t weak, and it wasn’t giving up. It was brave and hard fought, a transition like any other, difficult and scary and probably necessary in the end. Fighting it only delayed the inevitable.

Parent time is magic: downtempo and supersonic all at once, witch’s time, sorcerer hours. Suddenly, while you aren’t paying attention, everything’s changed.

“Just because it’s made up, doesn’t mean it isn’t real,” said Penn. “Made up is the most powerful real there is.”

“Parenthood is like that.” She tried to be doctorly. “The harder the choice, the less likely any of the options are good ones.”

“Because you know what’s even better than happy endings?” “What?” “Happy middles.” “You think?” “All the happy with none of the finality. All the happy with room enough to grow. What could be better than that?” “For a while,” said Rosie. “A while’s a long time,” said Penn.