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August 25 - August 31, 2025
the lingering sense I have from all of it is that love is exhausting.
Something inside me, a tiny kernel of sunshine, peeks out from behind a cloud, and then disappears again.
“Unfortunately,” Ami says, “you don’t get to choose the circumstances. That’s the point of luck: it happens when and where it happens.”
“That’s the whole point of luck, isn’t it?” he says through gritted teeth. “You have to trust that it’s not fleeting.”
She is engaged to someone else. Those little inside jokes and coupley secrets don’t belong to her anymore.
It’s so quiet down here; I’ve honestly never felt this sort of weightless, silent calm, and certainly never in his presence.
For the first time in days, I am completely, no-hesitation, no-doubting-it happy.
My brain is nothing but fantasies of fire and brimstone.
He’s used Ethan as a scapegoat, as a shield—what if he used the convenience of my grouchy reputation to create a buffer zone? What a dick!
Wow. Did some woman text him that apology? That was fantastic.
I wish I knew what was happening, both between us and inside my heart. It feels like the organ itself has gotten bigger, like it’s demanding to be seen and heard, reminding me that I am a warm-blooded female with wants and needs that go beyond the basics. Being with Ethan increasingly feels like spoiling myself with a perfect new pair of shoes or an extravagant dinner out. I just remain unconvinced that I deserve this daily… or that it can last.
He goes quiet again; obviously he doesn’t have to repeat what he said. But I don’t feel entirely sure where my head is on this particular issue. “I’m… thinking.” “Think out loud,” he says. “With me.”
taking a running leap into my pillows. I am a homebody, through and through, and there’s nothing like being home.
Something inside me uncoils because I was happy to be home, but now I’m giddy. I feel more myself with him than without, and that happened so fast, it’s dizzying.
I want him to chase me a little, since I’m not the one who messed up here.
Being a twin means oftentimes feeling responsible for the other’s emotional well-being, and right now all I want is to take it all back, pretend I’m joking and travel back to a time when I knew none of this. But I can’t. I may never know what my ideal relationship looks like, but I do know that Ami deserves to be enough for someone, to be loved completely. I have to keep going.
A fracture forms right down the middle of my heart. Half of it belongs to my sister, for what she’s about to go through; the other half will always keep beating for myself even when no one else will.
“You really hurt me. We had this rare, awesome honesty, and so when you thought I was lying, it was really hard.”
But then she turns and meets Olive’s gaze across the platform. I don’t need to understand secret twin telepathy to know that Ami isn’t just happy for her sister, she’s elated. Ami isn’t the only one who believes Olive deserves every bit of bliss this world has to offer. Seeing that tiny, salty woman crack up or melt or light up like a constellation gives me life.
