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March 10 - March 29, 2022
According to the website Postpartum Progress, there are more new cases of postpartum depression every year than tuberculosis, leukemia, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, Alzheimer’s disease, and epilepsy combined (and among both men and women).49 Yet little is done to prepare expectant mothers for this possibility.
“All women receiving prenatal care are screened for diabetes, but how many pregnant and postpartum women are screened for depression? PPD is also more common than preterm labor, low birth weight, pre-eclampsia and high blood pressure; in other words, PPD is the most common complication associated with pregnancy and childbirth.”50
Among the weightiest of expectations are the notions that motherhood comes naturally to every woman; that being responsible for another little human being should evoke only joy, not mystery and terror; that breastfeeding always happens smoothly; that patience is inexhaustible, no matter how fussy the baby and sleep-deprived the mother; and that moms automatically feel unconditional love no matter how arduous the early going is. Motherhood, we remind each other, is next to divinity. That couches within it the expectation that moms can be like God.
“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children” (Genesis 3:16).
‘No, you need to let people in. Letting people into your house when it looks its worst is the best gift you can give. It lets them know that they’re normal too.’”
For many women, like Karen, insomnia is one of the most frustrating symptoms of PPD.
Remembering that you’re never alone, not even for a second, that’s when the hope can really reside in you. The Savior is there and He makes every experience that we go through something that is actually quite beautiful, even though it can be really difficult in the moment. We just need to remember this.”
never believed that depression was real until I had this baby.’
“I think in some ways we have a cultural narrative that says women want babies and having a baby and being a mother is going to be the best part of your life.
Recently, Utah Valley Hospital in Provo, Utah, announced that all new moms will be screened for “depression, anxiety, and other mental health illnesses before leaving the hospital.”54 Employing the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale, hospital personnel hope to identify risk, provide education, and initiate early treatment and therapy when needed.
She did have a testimony, but the depression makes it very difficult to feel the Spirit, and she felt her testimony wane as the depression got worse. It got to a point where she felt so terrible about herself that she felt she wasn’t worthy to get any blessings. She even felt that God had turned on her, that He didn’t love her anymore either.”
“The fact that our heart yearns for something Earth can’t supply is proof that Heaven must be our Home.”59
“There’s an old sectarian notion that suicide is a sin and that someone who commits suicide is banished to hell forever. That is totally false! I believe the vast majority of cases will find that these individuals have lived heroic lives and that suicide will not be a defining characteristic of their eternities.
Two years after the birth of their sixth child, his first wife was admitted to the state mental hospital in Provo, where she lived the remainder of her life—forty-two years. He dealt with many health issues of his own.
Of course, we can never know exactly what was going through his mind or his body at the time of his death, but we do know that whatever it was, it was enough to cause him to seek out a rifle in his home and end his life with a single shot to the head.
“It must be a source of great satisfaction to those who call him ‘husband’ and ‘father’ to know that he has gone home; that his work is complete; that he has not gone to be idle, but to continue to do good. . . . He has gone home. Not to some obscure, undesirable place. He has been working for a place in the Celestial Kingdom. He has been seeking to have his name recorded in the Lamb’s Book of Life. And I believe that if any man has accomplished that desirable thing, George H. Brimhall has accomplished it.”
“I am sure the man was wholly irresponsible and that every circumstance will be taken into account in the final judgment as to his splendid life and sudden death.”68
It is our place to love. It is our place to grieve.
There is no place for condemnation, gossip, or shunning. There is room for prevention, for communication, and—always—for the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Suicide should not be swept under a rug. Just as it is never good to box up and ignore our feelings, it is never good to keep silent about suicidal thoughts and mental health in general. The notion that talking to someone about their feelings may lead people to act on them has been debunked by a number of studies, as well as by those who have unsuccessfully attempted suicide themselves and are now healing. Talking about suicide can actually help prevent it.
Often that tunnel is promoted by depression, and depression is all about feeling helpless and hopeless and powerless. Talking to another person and having the person help you problem solve and look for alternative solutions, reasons for living, protective factors that can help keep you safe, can actually prevent suicide from occurring.”
Dr. Damaria emphasized to me that “talking about suicide does not cause people to commit suicide. Not talking about it, neglecting to talk about it, sends the message that they can’t talk about it. It’s important to talk about feelings of depression, or other fantasies about suicide, which can certainly fester inside, if they’re not talked about more openly.”
“It’s completely safe, completely safe to ask someone if they’re having suicidal thoughts or if they are having thoughts of harming themselves. The most important thing—if one’s a friend—is to make sure one gives adequate time to listen.”69
There can be no dispute: nothing but love and compassion—totally devoid of judgment—should be bestowed upon individuals who live with and die from mental illness.
“I think we look at life through dark lenses. Certainly, after Chase died, I had a very hard time sleeping. . . . I consider myself an active person who likes to be involved in many things, but I was barely managing, barely functioning. It
“there’s no way but through it”—just
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
29.4 percent of LGB students had attempted suicide and 42.8 percent had seriously considered it. Just over 60 percent of LGB teens had reported feeling “so sad or helpless every day for 2 or more weeks in a row that they stopped doing some usual activities.”70 Undoubtedly, there are a number of Latter-day Saint LGB youth included in these percentages.
“Every single story we read about [Jesus Christ], He’s extending love to people who don’t feel like they deserve it and He’s reaching out an arm to people that society has cast out.
You are a victim of depression just like the person you care about and want to help. I know that you sometimes—even often—feel hopeless and hurt.
No one wants to make loved ones unhappy, but I know that when I was in the bondage of depression, that’s exactly what I did.
I was attached to the idea that happiness is a choice. Unhappiness, I thought, could be cured by adjusting attitude and seeking the Spirit. This way of thinking worked for me (and it mostly still does) and I saw no reason that it shouldn’t work for my wife.
Today, Tom blames depression—not people—when things go awry. This behavior took a while to learn, but it helps tremendously, as does simply loving the depressed person. As you’ll see from Tom’s story (and the others in this chapter), the decisive variable in relationship survival is love. Andrew Solomon writes, “Depression is a disease of loneliness”; love is an essential remedy in its treatment.
The bishop’s advice was, he said, ‘Rob, I don’t want you to think about where you’re going to end up in heaven.’ He said, ‘I think what you need to do is put your faith in your wife, and let her be the spiritual leader of the family. When she feels a prompting, you listen to it, and because you have faith in your wife, then you will know that it is coming from God.’”
“Caregivers who pay attention to their own physical and emotional health are better able to handle the challenges of supporting someone with mental illness.
equate happiness with righteousness
I would rather have a life with a depressed mother who is struggling—any day—than a mother who commits suicide who I never have around for the rest of my life.’”
No words of advice or interventions to fix the problem are as effective as simply offering love.
What it does do is make her mental health a thing that both of us can work through instead of some mess that needs to be cleaned up or put away.”
She found that many of those sisters who didn’t attend had strong testimonies and a desire to keep growing in the gospel, but they also struggled with a variety of emotional illnesses, such as social anxiety, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and others.
“Somehow,” she said, “we’ve got to bring church to them.”
The takeaway: some among us spend a lot of time in midnight blackness at the bottom of a pit of despair. They need charity to shine the Light on them.
We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; . . . mourn with those that mourn; . . . comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:8–9). “ . . . when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God” (Mosiah 2:17). “ . . . if ye have not charity, ye are nothing. . . . But charity is the pure love of Christ, . . . and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him” (Moroni 7:46–47). “ . . . love one another; as I have loved you” (John 13:34).
“All mental illness is caused by sin,” “Mentally ill persons just lack willpower,” and “All that people with mental illness need is a priesthood blessing.” His insightful article is a must-read for those dealing with the challenges of mental illness.84
A depressed person is like a pool of cold water, he says. To warm a pool of water, you don’t pour in cups of hot water one by one; you use heaters. Still, it takes time. Heaters are analogous to all the different methods of physical care available: cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, and proper sleep, fitness, and nutrition regimens.
Sometimes the cloud cover of depression is too thick and blocks the comfort of the Spirit; but the Spirit is still ever present, and there are many spiritual things that can be done in tandem with the physical to help speed up the recovery process: prayer, scripture study, service, and so on.
“When you get to the bottom of it, a lot of the welfare cases, a lot of the unemployment cases, a lot of the problems facing dysfunctional families are driven by underlying mental-health problems.”
‘Have you ever been treated for depression? Do you have depression in your family?’” Bishop Gentile says. “Sometimes I’d ask open-ended questions: ‘How’s your sleep? Do you feel anxious a lot? Are you worried about a lot of things?’”
Bishop Ellertson advises bishops and other leaders to—above all else—make it clear that when members of the Church speak with a spiritual leader, they’ll be listened to.
