If You Were Here

by Alice Peterson

These days, people strive for perfection, not realizing that all they really need is health and happiness. A spotless kitchen isn’t going to cut the mustard. A meal in a Michelin-starred restaurant won’t either. It’s the people sitting around your kitchen table who count.

He nods. ‘You’re not alone, Flo. We’re all here for you.’ ‘Even when I screw up?’ ‘Especially when you screw up.’

Darkness can often rob you of hope. Light gives it back.

As Amanda advised I gave myself time to grieve and adjust, time to be kind to myself, and gradually darkness gave way to light. I realized my life hasn’t stopped. If anything, I’m the happiest I’ve been for years.

I catch a glimpse of the journalist and writer, Bryony Gordon, running in her underwear. In many ways I envy how much cooler she must feel, though it’s still brave of her to be wearing nothing but a pair of black knickers and a bra. I love her spirit; how she raises awareness around mental health and body image. It’s only now that I see what a waste of time it is to obsess over such things. It’s about being alive, taking risks, and being happy with ourselves – inside and out – that’s what really matters.

‘I have a theory, a non-scientific one, you’ll be relieved to know,’ Amanda says. ‘I believe, in this life, we are born either glass half full or glass half empty. That whatever is thrown at us, however frightening or punishing or unfair it may be, we always, over time, return to the person we used to be. Some people will never find peace or happiness. Even if the most wonderful things happen to them, they don’t see the sunshine, only the rain; others, who have known nothing but strife, smile through it all. You know which category I’m going to put your mother into,

When I was talking to Alice Peterson about If You Were Here, the first question she asked me was one I’m often asked: How do people cope if they test positive for the HD gene? Obviously each patient is different, but in the past twelve years I have witnessed great courage, resilience and humour at the very darkest of times. People don’t give up or feel that life isn’t worth living anymore. Humans have an extraordinary capacity to cope with adversity, and I continue to be in awe of their strength. It is always a privilege to be a part of their journey.