On Becoming Babywise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep - Interactive Support (On Becoming.)

by Gary Ezzo

The greatest overall influence parents have on their children comes not in their roles as individual parents, but in their shared role as husband and wife. A healthy and vibrant marriage relationship is essential to the emotional health of children (as well as to Mom and Dad’s emotional welfare). When there is harmony in the marriage, there is an infused stability within the family. Even more certain, strong marriages provide a haven of security for children as they mature. That is because healthy, loving marriages create a sense of certainty for children. When a child observes the special friendship and emotional togetherness of his parents, he is naturally more secure because of his confidence in Mom and Dad’s relationship. In contrast, weak marriages do not infuse security into the hearts of children, nor do they encourage strong families ties. In time, parents come to realize that the quality of the parent-child relationship and sibling to sibling relationships often reflects the quality of Mom and Dad’s relationship.

Babies are born with seven capacities, that when met, provide objective markers confirming comprehensive attachment is being achieved. The markers include babies who 1) synchronize their feed-wake-sleep cycles into predictable patterns; 2) can fall asleep without a rocking or nursing prop; 3) sleep through the night eight to ten consecutive hours; 4) have a predictable nap routine; 5) have content wake-times and are adapt to self-play; 6) are able to self-soothe; 7) find comfort with other care-givers, specifically fathers, siblings or grandparents.