The F*ck It Diet: Eating Should Be Easy

by Caroline Dooner

We’ve been taught that being fat and gaining weight is unhealthy. It’s what everyone, including your doctor, has been taught. It is our collective belief system. We don’t really even question it—we just know it’s true. Fat = unhealthy. But . . . it’s just not supported by science. There are so many studies that show that weight and health are not as connected as we have been taught, and that dieting is not the cure.3

No matter how much support and willpower you have, even if you stick to your diet, there is a biological and metabolic backlash. We believe diets must work because we initially lose weight, and initially improve health. So when things go south and blow up in our faces, we assume it’s our own fault. We don’t understand the long-term effects of the diet: the weight regain, how bad it is for our health and metabolism, and the fact that we get into a miserable cycle of self-blame. Really, it’s our body’s weight-regulation system that is actually running the show all along.

And what this also means is that social change, kindness, and empowering ourselves and others will end up being more helpful and important to our collective health than any “war on obesity.” There are unhealthy fat people and healthy fat people, unhealthy thin people and healthy thin people. Losing weight does not guarantee you good health, especially if the weight loss happens in a self-punishing way.

The good news is, the calmer and more fed your body is, the better it will work, and the healthier and more stable your weight and appetite will be. Bodies end up right where they belong when you stop trying to control weight. The only thing we can control is how we treat ourselves, and learning to feed ourselves normally. And the sooner you can accept that your body will handle this whole weight thing for you, the sooner your health and life will improve.

BMI takes no actual health factors into account. It can’t tell you anything about your blood pressure, your glucose levels, your hormones, your metabolism, your strength, your stamina, your bone density, your cholesterol, your immunity, your cellular respiration . . . nothing. It’s literally just a math equation: weight in relation to height, and it was first published by a life insurance company in 1959 as a way of explaining their rates. This was criticized by scientists because the equation it was based on was never meant to be used for individual diagnosis.

These days, one of the reasons that people think being fat has remained an “acceptable” open prejudice is because we think that people’s weight is fully their own fault—that their weight means something about who they are as a person, and that therefore we get to pass judgment and target them, so we feel better about our own miserable little lives.

Hopefully it goes without saying that whether people’s weight is in their control or not, treating a human being poorly because of how they look, or how we perceive their health to be, is cruel. It’s never been okay and it never will be, misinformation or not. Fat people are subjected to constant judgment and scrutiny, they get dismissed by doctors, they are passed over for jobs and used as the punch line of jokes. And we all hope that if we can just work really, really hard not to be fat, then we can avoid the misery we put them through. We can avoid being the punch line of jokes, or being called a fat bitch.

How to go on The Fuck It Diet: Stop restricting. Trust your body, appetite, and cravings. Eat deliciously and normally for the rest of your life. Embrace life in a (probably) not-stick-figure body. Do cool, fun things, and enjoy your life.

your metabolism has evolved to slow down when you are not consuming enough. That means that calorie calculations are rendered totally moot and pointless when you understand that your metabolism is adjusting itself to purposely keep on weight when it senses restriction. Your body is trying to conserve energy and also trying to get you to eat. So, restriction of any kind will cause you to fixate on food, be hungrier, more tired, and put on weight quicker—all to save your life. Those symptoms are often signs of a slow metabolism.

We never ever let ourselves rest. We don’t think we deserve it. We don’t think we are allowed, physically or mentally or emotionally, to take the time for ourselves. We don’t think it’s worth it or helpful. But because we never slow down, our stress hormones are always pumping at high gear. Physically, these stress hormones actually increase our risk of disease.54 And mentally, this puts us in chronic fight-or-flight mode, constantly on alert. We think that pushing a little harder is going to be the answer. It’s not. Lie down.

The people who do not believe they deserve to lie down and do nothing for ten minutes really, really, need to lie down and do nothing for ten minutes. The people who do not believe they have the time to lie down and do nothing for ten minutes really, really, need to lie down and do nothing for ten minutes.

This is good news, because rest is awesome. But it is also terrifying to so many of us who subconsciously only feel worthy when we are constantly working or being productive. Rest is the cure for the workaholic. It’s the cure for the nonstop, constant productivity that often accompanies eating and body-image issues.

On a very physical level, dieting puts you into a state of constant adrenaline and cortisol. Your survival mode is on, and this accounts for some of the euphoria the body can feel during caloric restriction. This also accounts for the body’s ability to override not eating enough calories, not listening to its cries for rest, overexercising, overworking, overworrying, and not being comfortable sitting still or relaxing.

You must start carving out very real chunks of time to do nothing. Your body will most likely get more tired before it starts to come back to a more repaired state, especially if right now you are still in a wired and adrenaline/cortisol “go go go” state. This rejuvenation may take months. And it may take even longer than that. That is okay.

So what I want you to do is allow yourself to trust that your body is right. Trust that your body has your best interests at heart. Meaning, if you are tired, you need to rest. Not push through. If you are hungry, you need to eat, not push through. If you are sad, you need to cry or take time for yourself. If you want potato chips, there is probably a pretty good reason, and you should follow that. Your body has always been smarter than you. Your body works on instinct and intuition, both of which have access to really profound information. Your body knows when you need to eat, when you need to sleep, what you need to eat, and even knows when you aren’t on the right path. Your body is where the wisdom is. Trust it.

You are meant to have the option to comfort yourself with food. You are not a robot eating battery pellets for energy. Food is fuel and nutrition, but it is also allowed to be comforting and grounding. And eating food to comfort and fill you up or to connect with others is a nonissue when you’re not in a reactive binge/repent cycle. When you are actually feeding yourself and trusting your body, and your body actually trusts that it is being fed, comfort eating can just be a part of a very normal relationship with food.

And eating a big bowl of macaroni and cheese when you are tired and sad is a legitimate way to comfort and feed yourself.

Numbing out with food usually just manifests as faster-paced eating, less breathing, less awareness about what you are doing and what you need, tension in the body (but you’re not paying attention to your body, so you probably don’t even notice the tension), and some sort of desire to shut down, escape, or run away from what’s happening or what you’re feeling. The good news is that the switch from numbing to feeling just requires a shift in awareness and intention, and a breath. That’s it.

We are still assigning morality to certain body types. And we are still afraid to be too hungry, too decadent, or have too many desires. Seeing your weight and your body as an issue will not help you. Instead, accepting, feeling, and inhabiting your body in whatever state or shape you currently are in is really, really important. Your body is constantly asking for you to come back down and come back home, so let’s just give it what it wants already.

So many people are obsessed or overly fixated on food, purity, weight, exercise, and looks. And yes, if and when these people are your parents, this can be the cause of a lot of disordered eating in children, lots of self-judgment, and lots of pain. Surprise, surprise! Our parents’ neuroses and beliefs shape and affect our own before we ever have a chance to unlearn. The most powerful way to move forward is to accept that they tried but they don’t know what they were doing, and they don’t know what they are talking about. At the root, most people have good intentions. Even if they come off as tone-deaf assholes in the process, they just want to help you. They think they actually are helping you, and that you are just too stubborn to listen. And, hey, you may have even been like this too—maybe not that long ago.

Hello brain, I see you, you little bitch. Thanks for trying to ruin my day. Lean into the madness.

Maintaining a low weight is not a core value. It’s a fear-based ingrained societal standard, created to make money off your insecurities. Weight control relies on fear and fixation.

People are sometimes resistant to the idea of privilege, because they fear that admitting privilege will invalidate the hardships they do face. But that’s not how it works. You can have privilege and still have problems. Your life can still be hard even if you were born with certain privileges, like having a naturally thinner body, or being born white, straight, rich, or whatever. All of those privileges are luck, luck of fitting in with ease, and they come with benefits that other people don’t experience—and that we often take for granted. Becoming aware of the things we have taken for granted will help us create a kinder, more empathetic and aware society.

Seeing people of different sizes choosing to be happy and beautiful and confident, even though they were always told they couldn’t be because of their weight, was the best way to unlearn what I believed about weight and worth and happiness. They are living examples that being fat doesn’t have to mean what we’ve been taught it means. You don’t have to feel the way you’ve been taught to feel. It’s a reminder that it really doesn’t matter what some people think of you. It matters what you think.

I recommend you follow the many brilliant fat activists who write from their own perspective on how to deal, survive, and thrive in a world that is habitually cruel and oppressive to them because of their size. You can find a list of some of my favorites at thefuckitdiet.com/resources. And be careful of the “body positive” media that is anti-fat. Lots of fitness trainers and gurus have adopted the term body positive, but will still wax poetic about the importance of losing weight. Make sure your body positivity is also fat positive.

You know what is a life-or-death situation? Eating disorders. Not eating will kill you. Not eating enough will fuck with your health and your hormones and wreak havoc on your mental health. The stakes are high for your mental health and your quality of life, so honestly: fuck it.

“What do I stand for, today?” You don’t have to be an extrovert or a fighter to let what you stand for quietly infuse the way you walk through the world. Sure, you can organize marches, create subversive art installations, or be an ambassador to a big charity. But you can also express what you stand for in the way you craft gifts for friends once a year, or make people laugh, or in the flowers you plant. It can be small. It can seem innocuous, but it’s not.

We have been confused about what is important. We have let our looks and calorie counting eclipse the way we are living our lives. Consider the possibility that finding a better fucking use of energy can help you create a fuller life and help you heal.

I know we used to talk about weight all the time, but it’s really important for my mental and physical health right now that I focus on how I feel, and not on what I weigh. Please don’t bring up weight again. I’m working really hard to prioritize my health and happiness, not my weight.

Keep stating what you expect and deserve, and keep your boundaries. You are not in the wrong. You have every right to request respect and understanding around your life and health and body choices.

YOU ARE NO GOOD TO ANYONE, OR TO YOURSELF, IF YOU ARE EXHAUSTED, MISERABLE, AND FEEL TERRIBLE. We all have different ways of recharging, and those needs will change from day to day, week to week, and situation to situation. But no matter who you are, you need to allow time to take care of yourself, and that time doesn’t have to look the way you imagine.

If you are ever freaking out about health, here are just a handful of ways to support your health from a radically antidiet approach. Try these things anytime you need to remind yourself that yes, you do care about yourself, you are taking care of yourself, and everything is going to be okay. And that one day, you will die anyway. Eat and heal your metabolism. Let your body gain weight. Eat carbs. Sleep a lot. Do your lie-down. Say no to things you hate doing. Say yes to things that sound fun. Take personal days. See friends. Eat probiotics or fermented food. Take a supplement to support your adrenals and stress hormones. Breathe deeply. Stretch. Find ways to laugh. Watch or read something life-affirming or heartwarming.

Trust your impulses. Trust your desires and truth. Trust what you know to be true, lower the stakes, and maybe eat some food.