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There must have been moments of tenderness between her and Jack but all she could recall was her coldness towards him, her irritation as he shut down his emotions, one after another. If only she’d realised the depth of his despair, she could have taken him in her arms and comforted him. She would carry the ugly scar of omission for the rest of her life.
Curious the things you remember, she thought, the way time curves and pulls images in odd directions.
But if she did that, abandoned another man in his hour of desperate need, her guilt would crush her. This time she wasn’t too late. This man was still alive. Jack never gave her that chance.
She never saw Jack again. At first she had a desperate need to know he was really dead, to understand the terrible mystery that surrounds a life passing; soon it became an agonising guilt that, having failed to make his life worth living, she even failed to say goodbye.
This was just a dream and as his mother always said, dreaming was free and dreaming was fine – so long as you didn’t resent it if it never came true.
The night before, when she scurried up the stairs, he waited for her to return, his heart pounding. He was sure he’d sensed the pull coming from her as well as him and hoped against hope that she’d fled because the power of their attraction had shaken her.
Everyone grieves in their own way.
What a strange species we are, he thought, to drop thousands of tons of explosives on one another and still have the humanity to stop the carnage simply because it’s Christmas.
She had to admit that betrayal of her country was easier to bear than the betrayal of another woman.
‘Where was the parachute found?’ ‘Here,’ the sergeant said, tapping the map with a nicotine stained fingernail.
It was so easy now to go on lying.
Guilt was a useless emotion. He’d learned from quite a young age that it was much better to forgive yourself.
Then, God, it was so quiet. Just the wind and men crying out in the water. I just thought I wanted to see my girl. You don’t ask how or why. You just want to.’
‘We cannot choose whom we fall in love with.’
Why did life have to pitch her into a vortex just when she was on the verge of peace and acceptance?
If the war has taught us anything, then surely it’s forgiveness.
But guilt is a pointless emotion. It changes nothing, except the person who carries it.

