Patron Saints of Nothing

by Randy Ribay

1 Nov 2014 Dear Kuya Jay, Today is All Saints Day in the Philippines. Do you celebrate this day in the United States? Almost all Filipinos have this day off. Many of us go to the cemetery. We bring blankets, candles, food, drink, guitars, and so on, and spend the day at the tombs of our loved ones. We eat, we play music, we talk and laugh and tell stories about the dead. I know this probably seems strange. All of the graveyards I see in American TV shows and movies are always dark and scary and empty except when there is a funeral. But here it is a celebration. A time to honor our dead and remember their lives. I think this is a healthy thing to do. The day is also meant to celebrate the saints, of course. For example, maybe you have already heard of St. Blaise, the patron saint of wild animals, veterinarians, and throat ailments. Did you know he lived in a cave with all these wild animals? I think that’s really cool. Anyway, there are also many other lesser-known saints. There is St. Apollonia, the patron saint of dentists; St. Lydwina, the patron saint of ice skaters; St. Drogo, the patron saint of ugly people, and—another one of my favorites—St. Clotilde, the patron saint of disappointing children. You get the idea. There are a lot of saints in our religion, more saints than there are days in a year. A saint for almost anything you can imagine. People pray to them to try to receive their oddly specific blessings. But, to be honest, I don’t think the world works that way...