The Burning White (Lightbringer #5)

by Brent Weeks

Gavin didn’t want to give Grinwoody what he wanted, but there was no way out. In his current state and situation, Gavin couldn’t outsmart him or outfight him or out-magic him. He couldn’t deny Grinwoody what he wanted. But that was framing the problem exactly wrong. In truth, it didn’t matter what Grinwoody wanted—it mattered what Gavin wanted. Gavin didn’t want Grinwoody to win…? Gavin didn’t want to die…? Divergent as those seemed, both of them were importantly distinct from wanting victory or wanting life. What do I want? Odd thing to wonder, here, when he had no power to get it. Before, he’d never asked it in any profound way. His ‘great’ goals for every seven years he served as Prism hadn’t been great in any way. They’d been field dressings on a gaping wound of purposelessness. His housebroken dream had been merely to stay alive, to not be unmasked as a fraud. Sure, that made sense for a month or two after the war while he healed. But he’d never become more. Never dreamed more than declawed dreams. He’d put his brother in the grave, but Dazen had also died at Sundered Rock. What did Gavin want? Which Gavin? Time stretched, as if something were supposed to happen right now—but nothing did. Gavin looked around. Nothing. Odd. He sank back into his thoughts. Maybe Gavin only wanted to win.