2am Thoughts

by Makenzie Campbell

I want a man willing to hike mountains for me, or I don’t want a man at all.

A BOY HAS NEVER LOVED ME although I wish one had. So I keep waiting with all my emotions and all this love building inside me. My heart waiting to thrive. AND WHEN A BOY FINALLY DOES Oh my, will my love be so deep for him. It might engrave beneath his bones.

I want you to talk until the pattern of your voice vibrates my teeth and bones. I want to know every piece, every detail about you.

Through all the darkness surrounding me, you somehow found a way to shed light.

I am hopelessly enthralled by your simple existence. The fact that somehow God could put together such a masterpiece of color and beauty. You are a work of art.

Between my heart and my lips lies the filter of my thoughts.

When I’m with you I have all these words inside me ready to paint the world, but when they emerge, they are black and white because the colors get caught in my throat.

Use the tender touch of your fingers to heal. Remind me what a working heart beats like.

I took the sweet parts of me and painted them on your rotten heart. I used my light to illuminate your dark parts. And when you didn’t change, when you didn’t bring your guard down, I gave you more. I poured and poured and poured all I had into your body, into your soul, until I had nothing left. My heart empty, my eyes tired, the light gone. I lost myself while loving you.

The monsters don’t live in my closet or under my bed. They are the collection of thoughts inside my head.

I cannot find my heart. I press my palm to my chest; there is no beat, no pulse, nothing there at all.

Sometimes emotions surge so strongly that words will never do them justice. So I sit here and stare at a blank page while storms brew inside me.

Only in your absence did I learn I can survive on my own just fine.