2am Thoughts

by Makenzie Campbell

I’m so obsessed with falling in love that every time I meet a man, I lose myself in him.

want a man willing to hike mountains for me, or I don’t want a man at all.

A heavy soul so deep and so complex it could take years to understand, but he never denies me a passageway into its thickness.

Life is to be lived— To experience adventure. To travel the world. To learn exciting things. And it is too short to not.

You are possibly the most beautiful and intricate human being I have ever met.

He is the type of person that has the entire night sky in his eyes. There are hurricanes and tornadoes underneath his skin. I swear every word, every breath, generates a windstorm. He holds the entire world in his heart.

I wish I could hold him in my arms.

I want your heart. I want the rhythm of my heart to align with the drumming of yours. I want you and I to not be you and I. I want you and I to be us. 4:53

Some songs seem to have people attached to them.

I got a tattoo because I like knowing it will never leave me even if you do.

You will look into their eyes and realize they are the only ones you want to look into for the rest of your life. You will no longer feel alone.

Your eyes are precious gems. I want to mine them forever.

You are a map of every destination I want to discover.

I’m into very messy love. Beautiful, crazy, messy love spurred by our hearts.

I have given my heart away to a ruthless boy. Am I destined to crash and burn?

Forever in a trance by your noncommittal romance.

Between my heart and my lips lies the filter of my thoughts.

build my own walls, yet I am not strong enough to tear them down.

As the time ticks down you start to tick away.

Yes, you hear me. But are you really listening?

Why do our hearts make the same mistakes over and over? Why do we always return only to leave again?

It’s like you, the love of my life, are standing in front of me with your sweet and sympathetic eyes as if nothing is wrong and then you pull the trigger. So unexpected that I sit there, staring at my wound, misunderstanding the events that have just occurred. “Why am I bleeding? How did this come to be? Did you really just say we—? “Oh. I see.” My eyes rest on your mouth, the weapon that has fired against my heart.

It takes hours to get to know someone, really get to know them, weeks to build a relationship and months to fall truly in love. But all that could end up being for nothing because in one second your entire world could fall apart.

She is only a star within my entire galaxy, but you looked at her and thought she was the sun.

My breath is rotten as your name spoils on my lips.

You are the sand that doesn’t stick when I am dry and sad.

You took the light parts of me and turned them dark.

We are all infected with false verifications of beauty. They eat away at our hearts until the mirror is shattered and we soon forget who we are.

How do I sleep when every time I close my eyes, darkness engulfs my world? The darkness you used to keep away.

The monsters don’t live in my closet or under my bed. They are the collection of thoughts inside my head.

am broken because every time I hear that song or watch that movie or read that book I think of you and a piece of me falls away.

have a hole in my heart waiting to be filled. I crave the taste of someone else’s lips on mine and their heart intertwined with my soul.

Although you know young love is just false hope, you still crave to be wanted by another heartbeat. Your name on someone else’s lips and spoken softly in your ear. But there is this vast void between now and then that terrifies you deep down to your bones. Background noise becomes haunting thoughts. The idea that you won’t ever be wanted. You won’t find someone who will unconditionally love you. You might never feel reciprocated love. So you sit there in the shades of grey and pray that one day your thoughts will be proven wrong.

You lie in bed and stare at the vacant spot next to you and whisper conversations you wish to have. Because it’s the closest thing you have to what you so desperately want and even though it only blackens the void more, you’re addicted to the feeling of being loved. If only it were real…

I believe we are destined for one person on this earth. But the sad truth is, we do not always end up finding them.

I indulge myself in a book because diving headfirst into another fantasy is so much more peaceful than living in this reality.

Here I am. Here’s who I want to be. How do I get from point A to point B?

You will, if not already, find yourself too. And if you ever lose that, just look up at the stars. Their light always leads the way.

Sometimes emotions surge so strongly that words will never do them justice. So I sit here and stare at a blank page while storms brew inside me.

My heart is stained with the salty sadness I won’t let taint my cheeks. As my eyes remain dry, my heart grows heavy. Each unshed tear falling to add to its weight. One day it will be so heavy that my body will no longer be able to hold it. It will plummet into a dark, empty void and the drumbeat of my existence will cease.

How terribly tragic is it that someone’s heart can be so shattered that they no longer even find the beauty in existing? That they’d rather endure the split-second pain of a bullet wound to release a lifetime of aching in their soul.

Love is something absolutely beautiful. Yes, it may tear me apart and make me vulnerable as hell but it also is one of the only things in life worth living for.

You left, but you never really left. Does that make sense?

That’s when I knew that everything was going to be okay. Definitely not today, probably not tomorrow, maybe not for a long while… but eventually.

Let the music fill the empty patches of your soul. And heal you.

Self love is survival. Without that, oxygen won’t do a damn thing.

Pen and paper have healed me much better than any doctor ever could.

You didn’t come this far only to give up when your path is no longer clear.