2am Thoughts

by Makenzie Campbell

A BOY HAS NEVER LOVED ME although I wish one had. So I keep waiting with all my emotions and all this love building inside me. My heart waiting to thrive. AND WHEN A BOY FINALLY DOES Oh my, will my love be so deep for him. It might engrave beneath his bones. 4:18 PM

I want you and I to be us.

His arms were my home.

Some songs seem to have people attached to them.

One day you will have found your person. The one human being on this earth designed for you. The one that eases the pain in your heart and reminds you of why you are here. Why none of the other relationships worked. Why you had to go through heartache after heartache. And you will be thankful for all that pain because it now has brought so much happiness.

I was so afraid that life would continue on like high school where I was overlooked and not interesting enough for a man to invest his time. These thoughts haunted me so often that I eventually believed I was simply unlovable.

I am forever grateful for your love – the love that silenced my demons and calms the eternal storm taking place inside me.

I have given my heart away to a ruthless boy. Am I destined to crash and burn?

Forever in a trance by your noncommittal romance.

That’s the problem: I am a tree and you are a leaf, easily swept away by the winds of someone better.

All I’ve ever wanted is to feel wanted by you.

You paint me suns and flowers and beautiful landscapes only to go back and change them to storms.

I tried to convince myself that one more night with you would change things. over and over and over. Until I had crumpled together in my hand one hundred nights with you and still this empty feeling in my chest.

Longing for you to shelter my unwanted heart is unrealistic and hopeless. But knowing all this, I seem to run back to you, and you, to me.

The monsters don’t live in my closet or under my bed. They are the collection of thoughts inside my head.

If I look into a mirror and don’t like what I see, I won’t change my appearance. I’ll change my mindset.