2am Thoughts

by Makenzie Campbell

When you claimed you were working late and instead found yourself in another woman’s bed in the dark, each body part melting into the next, and then regretted it the following morning, you told me it was a moment of weakness. It wasn’t. It was a moment of truth.

I had parts of the sky in my eyes and traces of the soil beneath my fingers. The branches of evergreens climbing up my back and tulips blooming in my soul.

Those words both mended and broke my heart. “I love you,” he said. Yet I still can’t figure out how he could love me and leave me at the same time.

It takes hours to get to know someone, really get to know them, weeks to build a relationship and months to fall truly in love. But all that could end up being for nothing because in one second your entire world could fall apart. One second. That’s all it took for him to break my heart.

I tried loving you. I tried really hard. But you wanted more than I could give. I was a broken soul abused by merciless boys with bad intentions.

Because I don’t feel anything anymore. That’s why I wanted him in the first place. To make me feel something again.

You took the light parts of me and turned them dark.

How do I sleep when every time I close my eyes, darkness engulfs my world?

The monsters don’t live in my closet or under my bed. They are the collection of thoughts inside my head.

I have a hole in my heart waiting to be filled. I crave the taste of someone else’s lips on mine and their heart intertwined with my soul.

I believe we are destined for one person on this earth. But the sad truth is, we do not always end up finding them.

I indulge myself in a book because diving headfirst into another fantasy is so much more peaceful than living in this reality.

all the women on your list. I screamed and cried until one day I broke in half, forced you away.

There were things I wanted to put on paper but the words hurt too much to write. 4:49

How terribly tragic is it that someone’s heart can be so shattered that they no longer even find the beauty in existing? That they’d rather endure the split-second pain of a bullet wound to release a lifetime of aching in their soul.

When I was with you I felt like nothing. I didn’t even feel like a whole person. I was just a body that you dragged along wherever you thought to wander.

You are a stranger now, but your eyes will always be familiar.

I will not apologize for things I shouldn’t.

Pen and paper have healed me much better than any doctor ever could.