Supernova (Renegades, #3)

by Marissa Meyer

eager to move on from what might have been the most blatant confession of adoration that Nova had ever witnessed.

She often wondered if Danna’s consciousness was somewhere inside that tiny little insect brain, experiencing what it experienced.

When she had chosen to continue with her plan and take the helmet, it had felt like a betrayal of Callum and all his annoying goodness. It had also felt like a betrayal of some small part of herself. The part of herself that still sometimes dreamed of living a life without vengeance. A life where she and Adrian had a future. Maybe, even, a life of peace.

Nova gripped her own smile like a weapon, already concocting a lie about the letter in her hand.

Honey grunted. “One does not have to be competent to be an enemy.”

So uninterested in anything related to villains or heroes. She usually had her nose buried in a book and had seemed content to keep it there.

“But most profoundly,” continued Phobia, and his gritty voice turned mocking, “she has an almost paralyzing fear that she will never experience true love.”

He choked back the bile that was suddenly stinging his throat. He hated Nightmare. He loathed her to the core of his being. He repeated these thoughts again and again, hoping that the unsettled twinge in his gut would go away if he just kept reminding himself of the truth. I hate her. I hate her. I hate her.

“She kissed me,” he interrupted. “She made me think that I…” He trailed off, just short of confessing the brutal words that had been clinging to him since the moment he’d found out the truth. I could be in love with her.

One of them nodded a friendly farewell to the boat captain, who tipped his hat in response. Nova almost laughed for how normal the small interaction seemed, here, on this brutal island, where nothing could possibly be normal.

no, she wasn’t alone. She still had family. She still had Uncle Ace, and it was all she had, and she had grasped on to that small piece of comfort as tightly as her trembling little fists could.

But it was only wishful thinking. A burning desire to not be the Renegade who had been smitten by one of their worst enemies. A desperate need for Nova to not be the liar, the spy, the villain she’d suddenly become.

Nova flinched. Tears were gathering again. It was more than she’d cried in years. At this rate, she would end up shedding more tears in this chair than she had since the day her family had been taken from her, but she couldn’t help it. Her walls were crumbling. All her years of building protective forces around her heart were under attack. A siege from every twitch of Adrian’s jaw, every furrow of his brow, every look of revulsion he shot her way.

Nova dared to meet his gaze, ignoring how her heart sputtered at the sight of him and how he was once again watching her with affection. The affection she’d been sure she would never see again. She hadn’t realized how she’d been starved for a soft look from Adrian, or one of his signature smiles. She hadn’t realized how much she’d come to crave his steady presence, his unwavering goodness. She dug her fingers into the fabric of his coat, pulling it tighter around her shoulders.

She felt a heavy sympathy for this crowd of misfits, who could never be superheroes, but who didn’t deserve to be called villains, either. What chance had they been given to live the lives they wanted? Under the Renegades’ rule, they were still guilty. Still oppressed. Still a threat to be exterminated at the slightest misstep.

She could see their exhaustion, though it was coupled with resilience. They had survived until now, but they were done with simply surviving. They were ready to take matters into their own hands, and they believed she could help them. They believed the Anarchists could help them. It would be war all over again. Heroes versus villains. A new struggle for dominance.

Yes, friends. The word was foreign and almost unbelievable, but she had faced the truth in that prison cell. The realization was too stark and painful to ignore. She had fallen in love with these people, who had taken her in and trusted her. And yet she betrayed them. To know that they would go on despising her for the rest of their lives left her feeling almost as hollowed out as the knowledge that Ace would never again look at her with beaming pride. “Yeah, I am afraid that I’m going to fail again,” she said, still peering into the nothingness of Phobia’s face. “But one cannot be brave who has no fear.”

With a crooked grin, Millie set the teacup on her table. “At least, that’s what it wants you to believe. Alas, it’s a fake. A quality replica, but still an impostor. It’s interesting, don’t you think, how an impostor, no matter how good it is, can never be as highly valued as the original.” Her expression turned faintly mocking. “I suppose you know something about that, don’t you, Young Renegade?”

She reared back, the harshness of his voice like a blow.

In comparison to the magnificence of the nave, the chapel felt like an afterthought, so dreary and insignificant that Adrian wondered if the saint it was named for might have done something that annoyed the architect in charge of honoring him.

The sound was so cold, so harsh, Adrian almost didn’t believe it had come from his own mouth.

His lungs were no longer cooperating. It felt impossible to make his chest expand enough against the ropes. Ropes that were growing tighter by the second, digging into his flesh. Cold sweat was beading across his bare back. The altar had suddenly become unbearably cold.

“You also fear losing the ones you love. It’s a common fear. One shared by prodigies and humans alike. But for you there is an added element of … responsibility. Your greatest fear is to lose your loved ones, while you are powerless to stop it.”