Never Fade (The Darkest Minds, #2)

by Alexandra Bracken

I used to dream about turning back time, about reclaiming the things I’d lost and the person I used to be. But not anymore.

Great. We were the goddamn Rainbow Connection. All we needed was a Red to complete the deck.

I wanted him to know that I knew—that I was well aware of the fact he was standing behind that door for protection not from this woman but from me. All I had to do was earn his trust, gain a tiny bit of freedom. And when the time was right, he’d regret ever giving me someone to practice my abilities on;

But what no one, not even Liam, had thought to mention was how very, very much alike they looked.

I’d worked so hard to numb myself to this place, and they didn’t get to blow that apart. They got my attention, my concern, my protection, but they didn’t get that.

“My, my.” A feral grin spread across Cole’s face. “Little brother must be a good kisser.”

“He’s not sixteen yet!” I said. “He isn’t ready—you know that; we all do! Are you trying to turn him into the next Blake Howard?”

“I don’t want to just see someone’s face; I want to know his shadow, too.”

“Rob, listen, I just want to know their names. I want to know if you even bothered to ask before you killed them.” “Do you think this is a game? Stop lying, goddammit! When I find you—” “You better hope you never find me,” I said, ice edging each word. I didn’t even have to close my eyes to see that girl’s face. I felt her walking beside me, her eyes open, forever fixed on the barrel of the gun and the hand that held it steady. “Because what I’ll do to you will be so much worse than a bullet in the skull.”

“You were the gawky one,” he corrected, “Lee was the reckless one, Zu was the cute one, and I was the wise one.”

“And people like you are the reason we have middle fingers.”

Maybe Liam could forgive you for what you did, but if you go back to them, to California, I will never forgive you.”

“He’s a loose cannon,” Vida said, glancing back over her shoulder. “He survived being shot. Some part of him thinks he’s invincible and that he can make stupid mistakes and get away with it. There are other ways he could have traveled, but he chose to run with the fucking wolves. If he’s not desperate, if he doesn’t hate himself, then he really is just a goddamn idiot.”

If you’re mad at me, then hit me or something—just don’t think that I don’t want to stay with you. I’ll always want to stay with you!”

“The guys—” he said, his voice altered by the sickening angle of his nose. My elbow ached in response. “The guys b-brought them to the Slip Kid.”

“Ruby,” Olivia called. Her voice was clear, each word cut from stone. “Ruin him.”

“They call you Medusa,” Vida said. “One wrong look and your brain turns to stone.” Creative. Also, fitting.

“Black is still the color.” She got it. I didn’t need pretty words to explain and, really, there were no words to describe what that place had been to us. We had been there together, had worked together, lived together, survived together. East River hadn’t just been a camp—it was an idea, a signal fire. A belief. Clancy might have been the Slip Kid, but so was every other kid who dodged the system. Who didn’t go quietly. Who wasn’t ashamed or afraid of what he or she was. “Being smart doesn’t mean being soft,”

“Sometimes you’re the one speeding along in a panic, doing too much, not paying attention, wrecking things you don’t mean to. And sometimes life just happens to you, and you can’t dodge it. It crashes into you because it wants to see what you’re made of.”

“Come out here. Right now!” “Come and get me, big boy,” she sang back. “I know I don’t have the parts you like, but we can always make it work.” “Oh, like a functioning brain?” he shouted.

“Miss Vida,” Liam said, “has anyone ever told you that you are positively the whipped cream on the sundae of life?”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Chubs said, “apparently the middle of my sentence interrupted the beginning of yours. Do continue.”

“I love you.” He turned toward me, that agonized expression still on his face. “I love you every second of every day, and I don’t understand why, or how to make it stop—”

“I’m…It’s—it’s like torture.” His voice was strained, hardly even a whisper. “I think I’m losing it—I don’t know what’s happening, what happened, but I look at you, I look at you, and I love you so much. Not because of anything you’ve said, or done, or anything at all. I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you. Please…you have to tell me…tell me I’m not crazy. Please just look at me.”

“Dammit—I wanted you!”

“It’s terrifying—terrifying—to meet a stranger and feel something for her so intense it actually stops your heart, and you don’t have any basis for it. No context. The feelings are there, and it’s like they’re clawing at your chest, needing to get out. Even now, even when I just look at you, it feels like they’re crushing me—with how much I want, and need, and love you. But you’re not even sorry; you just expect that I’ll be okay with the fact you threw your life away for mine.”

Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?”

“Life isn’t fair,” I said. “It’s taken me a while to get that. It’s always going to disappoint you in some way or another. You’ll make plans, and it’ll push you in another direction. You will love people, and they’ll be taken away no matter how hard you fight to keep them. You’ll try for something and won’t get it. You don’t have to find meaning in it; you don’t have to try to change things. You just have to accept the things that are out of your hands and try to take care of yourself. That’s your job.”

“Give ’em hell, darlin’.” “And for the love of God, bitch, don’t get stabbed this time!” Vida added.

Cole grunted. “I don’t do the damsel-in-distress thing with dudes.”

No matter what’s become of us, I need to get out of his reach if I’m going to save him. If you help me disappear, I’ll help you in return. Please, John. The next, two years later: Enclosed are the most recent findings of our work; I’m feeling incredibly optimistic this will all be over soon. Tell me you’ve found him.

I’m not going to sit around waiting for your approval—that was never our deal. I’m leaking the location onto the server tonight. If he doesn’t come looking for me, then I’ll find him myself.

“What are you doing?” she asked. And I was honestly still so shocked at her appearance, I actually told her the truth. “Locking Clancy Gray in a closet.”

“Goddammit, you stupid kid!” he cried, shaking him. His voice was hoarse, and he seemed to choke on each word. “You scared the shit out of me! When I say stay behind me, I mean stay behind. Why didn’t you just leave when I told you to? Why can’t you just listen to me!”

“We have to go get him,” I said. “We can’t just…He can’t stay down there; he doesn’t like the dark; he can’t handle silence; he shouldn’t have to be alone—”