Shout Your Abortion

by Amelia Bonow

I do not regret my decision not to carry my pregnancy to term. I wish there had been another way. I wish we didn’t live in a fucked-up capitalist society that makes it difficult to survive if you’re not wealthy. I wish we lived in a world where black lives mattered and that it didn’t feel like a fist was balled around my heart whenever my 13-year-old son is out and doesn’t answer the phone. I wish we had a health care system that valued black women’s bodies so that I didn’t have to worry about dying during childbirth or after. I could have died during my last pregnancy. I still remember bleeding through sheets and the nurse telling me to get up and walk so that I didn’t develop blood clots. “You’ve come too far for these boys to lose you now,” she told me as she helped me sit up in bed. I wish I hadn’t felt so guilty for not wanting to have another baby, but I made the decision that was right for me and for my family. And I am so glad that I had the choice.