Renegades (Expeditionary Force, #7)

by Craig Alanson

“See? You know these are stoned wheat thins, because when you put them on a plate, they are all like ‘Wow, man, the world

is so big outside that box, look at all the colors. Oh, I am so hungry’.” “Joe,” he sighed. “I, I have no words. How the hell has your species

Probably some kind of chocolate. Anyway, the air duct was dusty and I sneezed, which attracted the attention of the Oompa-Loompas working in the place, only these were not happy, friendly Oompa-Loompas. These were Oompa-Loompas whose car had broken down on the way to work, in the rain, and they were already in a bad mood because their brother is crashing on their couch because he can’t find a job after getting out of prison for dealing meth again, and they hate their jobs because they are so sick of making chocolate. They were pissed off and looking to hit something and that something was me. As they chased me through the factory, they somehow turned into Vampire-Loompas and I ran through a part of the factory that was not making chocolate. This part of the factory was making new Vampa-Loompas, and as the freshly-made ones came off the end of the assembly line, they looked at me and-