The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks to You

by Julie Zhuo

If you frequently drop in and ask for an update or give unsolicited feedback, you risk making your report feel disempowered. He’ll be constantly checking over his shoulder, paranoid that you’re just around the corner.

At the beginning of the project, let your report know how you’re planning to be involved. Be explicit that you’d like to review the work twice a week and talk through the most important problems together.

Managers who pop in out of the blue and throw down new requirements can breed resentment with their team

Your Team Has Set a Goal to Launch in October

you’re going to wonder why your team didn’t tell you sooner—was it incompetence or was it deceit?

By setting expectations that you’d like to hear about any concerns with the launch date as soon as possible, you establish that it’s safe to talk about problems even in the early phases.

We are only human. Failures will occur, projects will miss deadlines, and people will make mistakes. That’s okay.

when these things happen, readjusting expectations as quickly as possible helps people reco...

Where did I miss out on setting clear expectations, and how might I do better in the future?

YOUR FEEDBACK ONLY COUNTS IF IT MAKES THINGS BETTER

I might feel accomplished in pointing out the problem, but that’s not the point if it doesn’t actually help him.

Does my feedback lead to the change I’m hoping for?

“How could your manager better support you?” is simply “Give me more feedback.

“You said a lot in that meeting, which made it hard for others to get in a word.

“Give me more feedback related to my skills and my career trajectory.

“I want to understand my manager’s opinion on how I’m progressing

devote a single 1:1 every month to just discussing behavioral feedback and career goals.

Is My Feedback Being Heard?

If you’ve ever played a game of telephone as a kid, you know this to be true: What you intend to say and what the listener hears are not always the same.

my friendliness can mask the seriousness of a tough message.)

part of the reason feedback doesn’t stick is that the recipient often views the conversation as a threat, so his adrenaline-fueled fight-or-flight instinct kicks in.

recognizing what’s going well is more likely to change behavior than only pointing out mistakes.

When you do have critical feedback to share, approach it with a sense of curiosity and an honest desire to understand your report’s perspective.

“Does this feedback resonate with you? Why or why not?

“Okay, let’s make sure we’re on the same page—what are your takeaways and next steps?

summarize via email what was discussed. Writing can clarify the points being made as well as be reread and referenced in the future.

try dedicating multiple 1:1s to talking about particularly tough areas of growth with your report.

whenever he gets feedback about one of his reports from someone else, he always asks that person, “Would you be comfortable sharing that feedback directly with X?

Does My Feedback Lead to Positive Action?

Make your feedback as specific as possible

Clarify what success looks and feels like.

“Think of the lines at Disneyland,” he finally said. “You’re actually waiting in a really long line, but because you’re going from one small room to another, it doesn’t feel like the line is overwhelming.

Suggest next steps

beware of overdoing this—if you’re always dictating what should happen next, you’re not empowering your team to learn to solve problems on their own.

softer approach is to ask your report, “So what do you think the next steps should be?

One suggestion that might help you with your next presentation is using the rule of threes—no more than three goals, three sections, and three bullets per slide.

Telling your report something disappointing is both important and unavoidable.

the how matters tremendously.

Charged language or declarations that are personal (“you’re thoughtless” instead of “your action was thoughtless”) immediately puts the other person on the defensive.

Nobody thinking rationally intends to say numbers one or two, but it happens. We get upset or emotional.

Don’t engage when you are upset.

We regret the things we say in anger, and while bridges take months or years to build, they can be burned in an instant.

say, “Let’s talk about this later,” and e...

I have a few questions about your latest work—do you have a moment to walk me through it?) might seem like an attractive opener (and is how I used to begin many of my critical feedbac...

While it’s healthy to approach giving feedback with a curious mindset—what’s the other side of the story?—don’t lose the plot.

framing your worries as questions feels disingenuous, and at worst, your report will miss that you’re actually concerned, which means nothing will change.

The best way to give critical feedback is to deliver it directly ...

Plainly say what you perceive the issue to be, what made you feel that way, and how you’d like to work to...

When I [heard/observed/reflected on] your [action/behavior/output], I felt concerned because … I’d like to understand your perspective and talk about how we can resolve this.

lobbing over a few superficial words of praise to temper a hard message comes off as insincere.