The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks to You

by Julie Zhuo

For one, feedback doesn’t have to be critical. Praise is often more motivating than criticism. And for another, you don’t always have to start with a problem.

The mark of a great coach is that others improve under your guidance.

However, in their upward reviews, I would read comments like, “I want to understand my manager’s opinion on how I’m progressing” or “I want to have conversations about my career goals and how to achieve them.” His team longed for additional attention about them as people, not just on their output.

The best way to make your feedback heard is to make the listener feel safe, and to show that you’re saying it because you care about her and want her to succeed.

recognizing what’s going well is more likely to change behavior than only pointing out mistakes.

1. Make your feedback as specific as possible.

2. Clarify what success looks and feels like.

A softer approach is to ask your report, “So what do you think the next steps should be?” and let them guide the discussion.

Don’t start with a long preamble. Don’t try to sugarcoat a tough message or pad it with “softer” points.

When you give feedback or make a decision, your report may not agree with it. That’s okay. Keep in mind that some decisions are yours to make. You are the person ultimately held accountable for the output of your team, and you may have more information or a different perspective on the right path forward.

No report has ever said to me, “Please treat me with kid gloves.” Instead, they say: “I want your feedback to help me improve.” They tell me, “I’d like you to be honest and direct with me.” How many of us don’t want the same? Telling it straight is a sign of respect.

At Facebook, we have a saying immortalized in posters all over campus: “Feedback is a gift.” It costs time and effort to share, but when we have it, we’re better off. So let’s give it generously.

What three qualities do I possess that I am the proudest of? MY ANSWER: curious, reflective, optimistic

What are the top three most common pieces of positive feedback that I’ve received from my manager or peers? MY ANSWER: principled, fast learner, long-term thinker

What opportunities do you see for me to do more of what I do well? What do you think are the biggest things holding me back from having greater impact?

“I’m hoping to improve my speaking skills. What do you think went well with my presentation? What would have made it twice as good?”

I schedule half an hour of “daily prep” into my calendar so I can study my day and visualize how I want each meeting or work task to go.

I schedule “thinking time” blocks on my calendar so I can sort through and write down my thoughts on big problems.

These little habits have given me a greater sense of control.

Brain imaging studies show that when we picture ourselves doing something, the same parts of our brain are engaged as if we were actually doing that activity.

Admitting your struggles and asking for help is the opposite of weakness—in fact, it shows courage and self-awareness.

Instead, engage your manager for feedback. Ask, “What skills do you think I should work on in order to have more impact?”

When I started to see 1:1s with my manager as an opportunity for focused learning, I got so much more out of it. Even when I’m not grappling with a problem, asking open-ended questions like, “How do you decide which meetings to attend?” or “How do you approach selling a candidate?” takes advantage of my manager’s know-how and teaches me something new.

Personally, I like to schedule an hour on my calendar at the end of every week to think about what I accomplished, what I’m satisfied or dissatisfied with, and what I’m taking away for next week.

If I had, I would have realized that what I really wanted was for the members of the team to feel closer to each other and collaborate more effectively.

While people may have different opinions about the best path to take, part of working well together is placing trust in decision-makers and in a fair process.

sometimes you have to “disagree and commit” for the sake of moving forward quickly.

Too much time is spent trying to get a group to consensus rather than escalating quickly to a decision-maker.

Time is wasted on rehashing the same argument twenty different ways.

Considers the totality of ideas from everyone, not just the loudest voices

Practice clarity and ruthless efficiency with your meetings, and people will thank you for respecting the sanctity of their time.

This is costly as well because you can’t make a fair decision without all affected stakeholders in the room, so either the decision gets delayed or it risks being reescalated and debated again.

In the last few minutes of a meeting, get into the habit of asking, “So before we break, let’s make sure we agree on next steps . . .” After the meeting, send out a recap to the attendees with a summary of the discussion, a list of specific action items and who is responsible for each, and when the next check-in will be.

“I’m here to do a Q&A because it’s really important to me that we can have real talk about all the things happening on our team. But to be honest, I don’t get the sense that I’m hearing all of your top concerns. So I want to say this up front: Hard questions are good! Get them off your chest! I promise to be as transparent as I can.” That