The Making of a Manager: What to Do When Everyone Looks to You

by Julie Zhuo

The best way to give critical feedback is to deliver it directly and dispassionately.

Don’t start with a long preamble. Don’t try to sugarcoat a tough message or pad it with “softer” points.

Own the decision. Be firm, and don’t open it up for discussion.

Being a great manager is a highly personal journey, and if you don’t have a good handle on yourself, you won’t have a good handle on how to best support your team. That’s what Stacy was trying to tell me. No matter what obstacles you face, you first need to get deep with knowing you—your strengths, your values, your comfort zones, your blind spots, and your biases. When you fully understand yourself, you’ll know where your true north lies.

I exercise for ten to fifteen minutes in the morning right after I wake up. It’s not much, but it gives me a sense of accomplishment that anchors the rest of the day.

I make an effort to become friends with my colleagues and learn about their lives outside of work.

I schedule “thinking time” blocks on my calendar so I can sort through and write down my thoughts on big problems.

Twice a year, I look back on the past six months and reflect on what I’ve gotten better at. Then, I set new learni...

Repeat After Me: “The Story I Have in My Head Is Probably Irrational”

Imagine the anxiety, fear, and confusion you’re feeling as not being personal to you, but universal things that everyone faces.

Both of these women are incredibly successful and inspiring role models. And yet, they face the same doubts I do because these emotions are perfectly human.

Studies show that if you write down five things you’re grateful for every night, you’ll feel happier in the long run. When you need to build your confidence, remember to do the same by focusing on all the things that you are doing well.

The answer is predictably boring. I practiced and got better. There were years of stammering awkwardly in front of my team during weekly meetings. There were panels and talks I’d sign up to do even though I knew I’d dread it the night before. There were press interviews and Q&As, roundtables and TV appearances. Each one made the next a tad bit easier.

Instead, probe at the specifics and make it easy for someone to tell you something actionable. “I’m working on making sure my point is clear in the first three minutes. Did that come across? How can I make it clearer next time?”

Can you imagine a star athlete trying to hide his weaknesses from his coach?

Instead, engage your manager for feedback. Ask, “What skills do you think I should work on in order to have more impact?” Share your personal goals and enlist his help: “I want to learn to become a better presenter, so I’d be grateful if you kept an eye out for opportunities where I can get in front of others.” Tell him your hard problems so he can help you work through them: “I’m making a hiring call between two candidates with different strengths. Can I walk you through my thinking and get your advice?”

Meetings tend to have a bad rap, like they’re the “necessary evil” of management or the grown-up equivalent of homework. They’re parodied as wasteful, bureaucratic, and boring, though nobody seems to be able to get rid of them entirely. And we spend a lot of time in them.