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“Shawn, I want you to know that if I needed mouth to mouth, and you were the last paramedic on Earth, I prefer donations made to the ASPCA in lieu of flowers at my funeral.”
His lips curled back into a smile that was annoyingly attractive. He had dimples. Motherfucking dimples.
I’d thought she was pretty the other day too, but a scowl is an unflattering filter.
If I ever had any question whether she was remotely into me, her complete and utter lack of an attempt to impress me was the answer. She did not give a fuck.
A disappointment I had no right feeling dropped into my stomach.
Fun. Witty. Smart. Beautiful. The cool girl. And nothing that I could have.
Josh looked over at me and gave me his stunning, dimpled smile, and I felt my disloyal heart reach out for him.
I wanted him to think I was beautiful, just one time. Even if I was just teasing him, just to see if I could.
“Comfortable silences. When Mia Wallace says, ‘That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably share silence.’”
“Your gender doesn’t have any secrets that every woman hasn’t already seen by the time they’re twenty.”
It was like we’d been foreplaying for weeks and I’d been sexually malnourished, starving, waiting for him to feed me.
“What if I don’t want to be just friends with benefits?” I smiled at her. “Then we’ll only be friends.”
I looked at Kristen. She’d gone totally silent. Kristen, silent. This alarmed me more than I could comprehend.
He just let my moods roll off him, like nothing about me scared him, and it made me feel like I could be myself around him. Like the only time I really was myself was when I was around him.
“Congratulations, motherfucker. She cares if you die.”
Just when I thought the man couldn’t get any more attractive, he goes and puts on motherfucking glasses.
“You…you haven’t been seeing anyone else?” I blinked at him. “Of course not. I’m fucking in love with you.”
All I knew was something subconscious in me told me I didn’t have to hold the world up anymore now that he was here.
This crisis laid everything bare. I’d found my person. She was the foundation. She was the thing that all other things are built on. Everything was secondary to being with her. It didn’t matter where I worked or if I liked my job, where I lived or how many kids I had. My happiness, my sanity, my well-being—it all started with her. And now that I knew that, I didn’t want to just be her boyfriend—I wanted everything. I wanted her to be my wife. I wanted to wake up to her every day for the rest of my life.
“I don’t need him to drive me crazy. I’m close enough at this point to walk.”
“I don’t want an easy woman. I want you.” I shook my head. “Don’t you get it? You are perfect to me. I feel like a better man just knowing that I can do anything for you—make you lunch, make you laugh, take you dancing. These things feel like a privilege to me. All those things that you think are flaws are what I love about you. Look at me.” I tipped her chin up. “I’m miserable. I’m so fucking miserable without you.”
“Kristen, I need you to know that if none of these options were available to us, I would still want you. I want you no matter what. I want you first before I want anything else.” His face was earnest and steady. “I have no chance of happiness if I can’t have you. None.”
