Reboot: Leadership and the Art of Growing Up

by Jerry Colonna

I know now that, despite what my frantic mind told me then, the constant motion wasn’t a requirement of the job I’d chosen. But producing a weekly magazine with daily deadlines was the perfect job for someone who mistook motion for meaning. Everyone thought I was thriving but, on the inside, I was dying. The non-occupation of my body was obvious to those who cared to look closely. I was busy, I was alert and active, but I wasn’t really present in my life. My eyes darting from one person to another, listening without hearing—I wasn’t really attending to my life, and I wasn’t really connecting to the people who mattered most to me. In so many ways, the world affirmed this way of being. I was rewarded with promotions. Years later, and with the benefit of thousands of hours of introspection, I understand why the world affirmed this way of being. When I moved fast, when I spent my days not truly occupying my life, not standing still, not being real, I found it easier to live in accordance with other people’s expectations. By not standing still, I was able to be the object of everyone else’s projections of who and what I should be. Too busy to live my own life, I took direction from the affirmations of others.