What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape

by Sohaila Abdulali

“Every girl had a story. More than one. I told them what had happened to me. I cried then. It was amazing. It was cathartic. I finally had a way to make sense of it. I felt like a weight actually lifted off me.”

Why do we keep quiet? The easy answer is shame, and often that is the reason. We think it’s our fault for being available or vulnerable or clueless. All over the world, we blame ourselves, quite unable to take on board that another human being committed the crime. It’s easier to feel ashamed than to accept that someone violated us in the most viciously intimate way and we couldn’t do anything about it.

Taboos are as varied as societies.

Telling doesn’t always come with a reward: comfort, closure, justice. Sometimes, women tell but everyone acts as if they said nothing at all.

Sometimes telling is just a huge commitment of time, energy and emotion. Telling is difficult because, while you can control whom you tell (unless someone posts your thirty-year-old rant on Facebook), you can’t control their response. You get what you get. So, when you’ve just been violated so comprehensively, of course it makes sense to hold your pain close where nobody can make it worse.