What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape

by Sohaila Abdulali

Words are the enemy of impunity. They can create real change.

“Affirmative consent changes the morality at the core of sexual interactions.”

On top of it all, we choose to blame each other—maybe out of misogyny, maybe simply out of fear—forgetting, as we do so, that there is someone else in the picture who also has a choice: a man, who can choose between decency and dominance.

“Imagine how different the world could be if girls and women could be the subjects and not the objects of sex!”

You do not lose innocence when you learn about terrible acts; you lose your innocence when you commit them. An open culture of tolerance, honesty, and discussion is the best way to safeguard innocence, not destroy it.

Perhaps not any one of the little things: serving your son first like a good Indian mother doesn’t mean you condone rape; making fun of lady drivers doesn’t mean you condone rape; saving for your daughter’s dowry doesn’t mean you condone rape; saying “boys will be boys” on the playground doesn’t mean you condone rape. But each of these chips away at women’s and girls’ self-respect, and gives boys permission to feel a little more entitled, a little more important, a little more as though they have a free pass to maraud through the world and take without thinking.

“How will we understand what it is in human societies that produces violence if we refuse to recognize the humanity of those who commit it? And can we empower survivors if we’re making them feel ‘less than’? How can we discuss solutions to one of the biggest threats to the lives of women and children around the world, if the very words we use are part of the problem?”